M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (1983)
Loretta Swit: Maj. Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan
Photos
Quotes
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Hawkeye : [in a "normal" tone of voice] So, uh, listen...
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [in a "normal" tone of voice] Yeah.
[They kiss for thirty-four seconds]
Hawkeye : [in a "normal" tone of voice] Well, so long.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [in a "normal" tone of voice] See ya.
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Col. Potter : Goodbye, Margaret. I know you've got your career in order, don't forget to have a happy life, too.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : You dear, sweet man. I'll never forget you.
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Maj. Margaret Houlihan : You holding up okay?
Hawkeye : All things considered.
[an explosion occurs]
Hawkeye : Most things considered.
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Maj. Winchester : I have a standing in the medical community, and I don't need the help of a nurse.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : It's a good thing I'm a lady, or you'd need a nurse buddy.
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[a tank enters the M*A*S*H unit and eventually crushes the latrines]
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [to the tank driver] What's the matter with you? You drive this thing like it's a lethal weapon!
[notices that that driver is wounded]
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Oh, my! Corpsman!
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B.J. : A big glass of fresh, ice cold milk.
Hawkeye : For me, a banana. And of course, what's a banana without a piece of chocolate cake?
[Some other people in the O.R. laugh]
Hawkeye : What are you laughing at? It's wonderful.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : It is delicious - I'm going to take a three-hour bubble bath.
Nurses : Oh, yeah.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Colonel - what's the first thing you want when you get home?
Col. Potter : Well, I like fresh corn. I mean real fresh corn. So I think maybe I'll just take a hot plate out to the garden, make a pot of boiling water, then I won't even pick that corn - I'll bend that stalk till the ear dips into the water, and I'll eat it right there standing up. Scrumptious!
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Charles, what are you looking forward to?
Maj. Winchester : I am looking forward to a hemostat.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a hemostat] Hemostat - there's no need to bite my head off.
Maj. Winchester : Sponge.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a sponge] Sponge. You know, I just don't see why some people can't be grateful if other people try to help them.
Maj. Winchester : Don't you?
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : I think a person is lucky if somebody cares enough to help. Where would I be without my father's help?
Maj. Winchester : Oh, where indeed? He's pulling in three different directions, if you get any luckier, there's going to be a piece of you in every corner of the world.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Maybe some people just can't feel gratitude.
Maj. Winchester : Maybe some people like having other people run their lives, but some people don't.
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Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [on the phone] Ah, you just take care of yourself, okay? We all miss you here.
Hawkeye : [in the psychiatric ward] Then get me out.
[He hangs up the phone]
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[a few minutes ago, Hunnicutt got orders to go home]
Col. Potter : I can't run a hospital without surgeons. Who's supposed to replace you?
B.J. : What would you say if we found a first-class surgeon to take my place?
Father Mulcahy : That's fair enough.
Col. Potter : Well...
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Come on, we'll try.
Col. Potter : I guess I'd say bon voyage.
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Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [on the phone] How do you feel?
Hawkeye : [in the psychiatric ward] Like a hostage. How about you?
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[an explosion occurs]
Maj. Winchester : I thought we had a system here, they fire three rounds and they move on.
Father Mulcahy : Wait a minute, what happened to that pattern they had of firing off three rounds and then going away?
Maj. Winchester : Good question... again.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Aren't those idiots afraid of being spotted?
Col. Potter : I guess they figure the tank's worth the risk.
Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Or maybe they brought in a second mortar squad.
[Another explosion occurs]
Maj. Winchester : Or maybe a third.
Hawkeye : Well, the "more-tar" merrier, ha ha ha!
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Maj. Margaret Houlihan : ...Major WIND-Bag...
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Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [right after the war is declared over, more wounded are brought in] Does this look like peace to you?