Miss Congeniality (2000)
Benjamin Bratt: Eric Matthews
Photos
Quotes
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Eric Matthews : Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op. You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl?
Gracie Hart : No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity leave.
Eric Matthews : No, that's why they *let* me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?
Gracie Hart : Lost a bet?
Eric Matthews : Because you're smart. Because you don't take any crap from people. You're funny. You're easy to talk to when you're not armed. Look, give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you.
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Eric Matthews : This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.
Gracie Hart : Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.
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Eric Matthews : Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
Gracie Hart : You want me to beat it out of her?
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Eric Matthews : You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
Gracie Hart : I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
Eric Matthews : Funny, me too.
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Victor Melling : This woman has no talent!
Eric Matthews : Geez Vic! You don't gotta shout it out in front of her!
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Eric Matthews : Operation "Thong" has commenced.
Gracie Hart : Why don't you stun-gun yourself?
Eric Matthews : I knew she'd like that one.
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[arguing about Gracie's contract on providing a talent]
Eric Matthews : Listen to me, you old fruitcake!
Victor Melling : How dare you, you cupcake!
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Eric Matthews : Don't look at me like I betrayed you.
Gracie Hart : No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there!
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[Gracie pulls earpiece out of her ear]
Eric Matthews : Wo wo wo. Wait a minute, what are you doing? Put that back in your ear.
Gracie Hart : I can't talk girl talk with a guy in my head! I can't even do it with me in my head!
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[after McDonald sees himself in a bikini on the computer]
Eric Matthews : We were just looking for someone to go undercover at the pageant.
McDonald : And I'm the best we have. That doesn't inspire much confidence.
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Eric Matthews : All right, here's your new IDs. For pageant identity.
Gracie Hart : [looking at hers] Gracie Lou Freebush?
Eric Matthews : Yeah, remember, you like that name.
Gracie Hart : Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.
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Eric Matthews : Maybe we could have dinner, you know?
Gracie Hart : What? You, like, asking me on a date?
Eric Matthews : No! Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!
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Victor Melling : He's with me.
Eric Matthews : I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like...
Victor Melling : Come on, muffin!
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Gracie Hart : Where am I gonna keep my gun?
Eric Matthews : Nowhere I wanna know about!
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[after Eric pulls Gracie into the pool]
Gracie Hart : Oh, Vic's gonna kill you. You in big trouble.
Eric Matthews : You look good wet.
Gracie Hart : Shut up!
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Eric Matthews : You took your earpiece out! Vic needs you, now!
Gracie Hart : Eric, I haven't slept in two days!
Eric Matthews : I'll give you a cookie.
Gracie Hart : [mumbling to herself] It better be a big one.
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Gracie Hart : You know what...
[grabs Eric in a headlock]
Gracie Hart : Pull this off! What, is it because Macdonald hates me?
Eric Matthews : He doesn't hate you!
Gracie Hart : Is it some woman thing?
[Eric knocks her to the floor]
Eric Matthews : Don't kid yourself! Nobody thinks of you that way!
[Gracie trips him and sits on his back, holding him down]
Gracie Hart : He's punishing me, isn't he?
Eric Matthews : [under Gracie] Look, I had to beg him to let you do this!
Gracie Hart : What?
Eric Matthews : Yeah, like it or not you screwed up, pal!
[they roll over attacking each other]
Gracie Hart : [Sitting on Eric again] This may come as a shock to you but I've never been in a beauty pageant before! I don't even own a dress! I don't even own a brush!
[They roll around again]
Eric Matthews : [with Gracie's thighs squeezing his head] Which part o' that is supposed to shock me?
[Gracie slams her thighs against his head and they roll over on the floor again]
Gracie Hart : [Eric's feet squeezing her face] Jesus! Let's just swing reality for like a second! I have to do everything like the big hair, and the makeup...
Eric Matthews : Damn right! The spinning, the twirling, the smiling...
Gracie Hart : [out of breath] So you're saying... I have to wear... the bathing suit?
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Eric Matthews : What do you say, Hart?
Gracie Hart : No freakin' way.
Eric Matthews : Sparky, why not?
Gracie Hart : Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace?
Eric Matthews : It won't be like that. Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.
Gracie Hart : Yeah, right, in a thong.
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Eric Matthews : We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.
Gracie Hart : And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."
Stan Fields : Was that her?
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Eric Matthews : Why don't just you shut up?
Gracie Hart : Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.
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Eric Matthews : Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.
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Agent Clonsky : McDonald called. He saw Hart's little anti-smoking commercial, he's on his way down.
Eric Matthews : Oh, good, perfect, because I'd hate for him to fire me over the phone!