Memorable quotes for
Guest House Paradiso (1999) More at IMDbPro »

Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Chef's hurt himself.
Richard Twat: How bad?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Indescribably. He hit his head on this frying pan seventeen times.

---

Mrs Hardy: He's a black belt in karate, you know.
Richard Twat: More like a pink belt in hanging about gentlemen's lavatories on Hamstead Heath.

---

Mrs Hardy: [ordering breakfast] Where do your eggs come from?
Richard Twat: Ermm... Hen's vaginas?

---

Richard Twat: Will you stop making those owl noises?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Sorry
Richard Twat: Now come on
[Rich slips and lands with his eye in the candle]
Richard Twat: AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH
[Lights go out then Eddy lights another candle]
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Rich are you alright?
Richard Twat: Candle in the eye.
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: What?
Richard Twat: Candle in the eye
[rich points to his eye]
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Oh righto
[Eddy shoves the candle in Richies unburnt eye]
Richard Twat: AAAARRRGGGGGHHH

---

Richard Twat: I trust you've slept well?
Mr Johnson: Actually, we had a bit of a rough night.
Richard Twat: Ah, the perils of adultery.

---

Richard Twat: Ahh... Good morning, Mrs Foxfur.
Mrs Foxfur: Morning, Twat.

---

Richard Twat: Ah! Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
Gina Carbonara: Good evening, Mr. Twat.
Richard Twat: Oh! Ahem, it's cunt!

---

Mr Johnson: I merely brushed your arm!
Richard Twat: Well, we have already established that you're a liar, Mr Jones.
Mr Johnson: Look, Mr Twat...
Richard Twat: It's pronounced "Thwaite"!
Mr Johnson: Well, It's spelled twat.
[pointing at Richie's name on the desk]
Mr Johnson: T-W-A-T Twat!
Richard Twat: Could you keep your voice down please? We do have normal guests, as well.

---

Richard Twat: [opens the till and finds it empty] What are the advance bookings, like?
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Ah, not too good.
Richard Twat: [shuts the till] Ooooooooh, God!
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: Come on, Richie, it's not that bad.
Richard Twat: Yes, it is, I just trapped the tip of my penis in the till drawer!
Mrs Foxfur: [Eddie open the till] Oh, Mr Twat!
Richard Twat: It's Thwaite,
[whispers]
Richard Twat: I thought you said the guests have gone.
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: I thought she was dead.

---

Richard Twat: I trust you two both washed.
Mr Johnson: Actually, the water was cold.
Richard Twat: That's no reason not to wash, is it? Good grief, we are British, you know. We invented cold showers to stop people masturbating. Oh, I see, maybe that's why you are so upset about the lack of hot water.

---

Richard Twat: Pheeb. One boiled egg.

---

Richard Twat: Now, this is the light switch which is on a timer which will give you plenty of time to take your key and insert it in the...
[light goes out]
Richard Twat: ... Arse!
Damien Nice: Insert it in your arse?

---

Richard Twat: As we always say at the Guest House Paradiso: Have fun, don't go in the water if you know what's good for you and try not to get shit on the sheets.

---

Richard Twat: That ring, do you want to put it in the safe?
Mrs Nice: I never take it off.
Richard Twat: Well... What about that watch?
Mr Nice: Oh, it's just a cheap copy.
Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba: It doesn't matter, the pawnbroker is very shortsighted.
Richard Twat: EDDIE! Eddie just means that you don't need a watch in paradise.
[Mr. Nice hands over the watch]

---

Mrs Foxfur: I really must have some more sherry!
[passes out]

---

Gino Bolognese: Where are the whores I ordered? I ordered three prostitutes! Send them to my room, I'll take them now.

---

Related Links

Plot summary	Plot synopsis	Plot keywords
User comments	Trivia	Goofs
Main details	IMDb quotes browser	Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other

*