Sand (2000)

Jon Lovitz: Kirby

Quotes 

• Kirby : Man, lemme give you some advice. Don't ever get married.

  Tyler Briggs : Yeah? Why's that?

  Kirby : 'Cause it'll ruin your life! Uh! It's unbelievable! You know, she cuts her nails in bed, right? She leaves her hairs everywhere, she won't let me watch my TV shows, she won't let me sleep in my trunks, she shits on my friends, she hates the ocean, she snores like a fucking gorilla, she corrects my talkin', she won't even get out of bed and get her diaphragm! She only eats sushi.

  [mocking her in a funny voice] 

  Kirby : I'll only eat sushi! Come on!

• Lill : When are you going to learn share?

  Kirby : Learn to share?

  Lill : Yes!

  Kirby : You show up here from the Land of the Frogs, totally broke. And I feed you, clothe you, marry you! Get you your own remote for the tv! And you have the nerve to tell me I don't know how to share?