- Jailer: Your lawyer's here.
- Jacob Two Two: My lawyer? What lawyer?
- Jailer: Tough luck, kid. Your lawyer is Louie the Loser.
- Louie Loser: [comes onto the scene eating a doughnut] Actualy, the name's "Loo-zar", "Loo-zar".
- Jailer: Sixteen years without winning a case? I don't think so.
- [to Jacob]
- Jailer: Believe me, kid, the name's "loser"!
- Mr. Fish: [introducing the Hooded Fang] It is my pleasure... to introduce a man... did I say a man? I meant a low-down rat!
- The Hooded Fang: I am the fear of all fears... I am the nightmare of all nightmares... I am the monster that monsters run away from.
- Louie Loser: Your honor, I object!
- Justice Rough, The Judge: [menacing] Object? Object to what? Are you objecting to me!
- Louie Loser: No, I said I "in-ject". I inject my approval of what you said. Good call, judge, guilty!
- Justice Rough, The Judge: [to Jacob] I sentence you to two years, two months, two weeks, two days, two hours, two minutes... and *five* seconds... to the Slimers' Island Children Prison!
- [as he about to bang his gavel, he laughs evilly]
- Justice Rough, The Judge: [rapping] If he's let go, no grown-up will be safe/This boy is bent on evil/You can see it in his eyes/And he has the nerve to come in and fill my court with LIES!/He ought to be locked up... like all the other punks his size!
- The Hooded Fang: [to Miss Fowl] If I catch you eavesdropping again, I'll have you pan-fried Southern style.
- Jacob Two Two: [about his plan] Why isn't it working?
- Ben: Was that a rhetorical question?
- Jacob Two Two: [confused] What?
- The Hooded Fang: [lying to him about his job in a factory] You're gonna have a party, with cake and ice cream and all your friends are gonna come by and bring you presents.
- [bellows]
- The Hooded Fang: You're gonna *WORK*!