Heartbreakers (2001)

Ray Liotta: Dean Cumanno, Vinny Staggliano

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack's Mother : Uh, what it is you do, Mr. Staggliano?

  Vinny Staggliano : College professor.

  Jack's Mother : Oh! Uh, what do you teach?

  Vinny Staggliano : College stuff. What are you, a fucking cop?

• Dean Cumanno : Do you have any idea how much therapy you people need?

• Max Conners : I'll protect her.

  Dean Cumanno : From what? From love?

  Max Conners : From pain.

  Dean Cumanno : Love *is* pain! Life is pain. You can't protect anybody from it, it's always gonna get you. But sometimes, life could also be good. But you got to be open. You got to takes chances. You got to let go!

• Dean Cumanno : No more conning! No more! If you're gonna be my wife, you're gonna live a respectable life, chopping cars!

• Dean Cumanno : Marry me... again.

• Wendy : Is it hard?

  Dean Cumanno : [nervously looks at his crotch]  What?

  Wendy : Getting married.

• Dean Cumanno : You gold-diggin' whore, you're already working someone else!

  [points a gun at Tensy] 

  Dean Cumanno : Get off of her, asshole. Get off, asshole!

  Max Conners : Don't shoot him, Dean.

  Dean Cumanno : Why not?

  Max Conners : Because he's already dead.

• Dean Cumanno : Shut up, junior slut! Get over there! Ya know, you two got some brass balls in those panties, I'll give ya that. And in the few moments you have left, I wanna see some beggin' and some pleadin'.

  [points gun at Max and Page] 

  Page Conners : Uh, Mom...

  Max Conners : Dean... you've got so many tells. You are not the killing type.

  Dean Cumanno : Don't screw with me. I'm on a fine edge, here. Don't!

  Max Conners : [takes gun from Dean and opens it]  See... no bullets.

  Dean Cumanno : Fine. So I'm not that big on homicide!

• Dean Cumanno : [on a fishing boat]  Look at all the fish!

  [pulls his gun out and starts shooting at the water] 

  Dean Cumanno : Huh, got it. This is gonna be a fun trip!

• [last lines] 

  Vinny Staggliano : I never realized I could feel this wa again. That I could be so totally in love with someone.

  Barbara : Oh, I feel the same way Stanley...

  Vinny Staggliano : You're beautiful.

  Barbara : Thank you.

  Max Conners : [watching with binoculars and a big grin] 

• Dean Cumanno : What the Hell's taking so long?

  Max Conners : [Pissed]  Oh, relax! You'll get your money. You destroyed my daughter, but you'll get it.

  Dean Cumanno : Hey, I was standing around, minding my own business when you bitches came along and ripped out my heart for a game of hackeysack. Don't give me that.

  Max Conners : Come off it! We're both the same: We're scum!

  Dean Cumanno : We are not the same! I wasn't lying when I said, "I do".

  Max Conners : No, you were lying when you tried to nail Page!

  Dean Cumanno : Pfft. Look, where I come from, guys make mistakes, sometimes. Didn't change the fact that I loved you.

  [Brief pause] 

  Dean Cumanno : I just know I wouldn't do it again.

  Max Conners : 'Cause you got caught.

  Dean Cumanno : No, because of what I lost. You know, I'm not the only guy in the world that's ever screwed up. Even a goodie goodie like Jack couldn't keep his wang in the hanger.

  Max Conners : [Softly]  Yes, he can.

  Dean Cumanno : [Surprised]  What did you say?

  Max Conners : Nothing.

  Dean Cumanno : No, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you say?

  Max Conners : I micked him.

  [Dean becomes shocked] 

  Max Conners : Strictotoxin...

  [flashback to Max spiking Jack's drink] 

  Max Conners : ... somewhere between out and awake. It just makes people easier to handle.

  Dean Cumanno : Whoa, whoa, wait a-wait a minute, you're kidding! He said "no" and you still let her believe that he went for a soil sample? You know what? That's a new low, even for you!

  Max Conners : Look, you wanted your money! What was I supposed to do? Tell her that the man you forced us to con was the only decent guy she'd ever met?

  Dean Cumanno : What? You know what? This is just too sick! I thought this whole revenge thing was gonna be fun, but you've done whatever you can to ruin it! I don't even want this guy's money now!

  Max Conners : Well, I don't want it, either!

  Dean Cumanno : Well, I'm not taking it!

  Max Conners : Well, neither am I!

  Dean Cumanno : Well, neither am I!

  Max Conners : All right, I'll take it.

  Dean Cumanno : What?

  Max Conners : You said you didn't want it.

  Dean Cumanno : You should tell your daughter the truth!

  Max Conners : What for? He's only gonna end up hurting her, anyway. She's better off with me, okay? I'll protect her.

  Dean Cumanno : From what? From love?

  Max Conners : From pain.

  Dean Cumanno : Love is pain! Life is pain! You can't protect anybody from it! It's always gonna get ya, but sometimes, life could also be good! But you gotta be open, you gotta take chances, you gotta let go!

  Max Conners : What self-help guru moron taught you that?

  Dean Cumanno : Nobody had to teach me nothing, it's common sense. And Deepak Chopra is not a moron! I've seen a lot of crap in my life, but the way you're cheating her out of any chance for a decent future, it really sucks. Of all the lousy things you've done, you should be most ashamed of that. And what you did to me, too, I don't wanna completely leave that out.

  Page Conners : [Approaching them with the money]  Here's your money.

  Dean Cumanno : I don't want the money. Good luck with Psycho Mom here.

  [Walks away] 

  Page Conners : [to Max]  Ugh! What was that?

  Max Conners : I took care of him.

  Page Conners : How?

  Max Conners : I don't want to talk about it. Let's just get this Goddamn place!

• Page Conners : For once, she's telling the truth!

  Dean Cumanno : Like I'm gonna believe the seed of Satan!

• Dean Cumanno : Honey! Honey! This isn't what it looks like. I... I... I swear her hair got stuck in my zipper. I-I-I-I wasn't gettin' nothin'.

• Dean Cumanno : Angela, I've changed. I've totally changed. Look, look, look! This place is crawling with prime trim; I'm barely even noticing.

• Leo : I believe it's tradition for the best man to dance with the beautiful bride.

  Dean Cumanno : Piss off, Leo!

• Dean Cumanno : Hey, hey, hey! We're talking about my wife here. A man's wedding night is his own private, sacred business. It's not to entertain lowlife scum like youse guys.

• Angela Nardino : Thank you for respecting my religious beliefs. I'm really ready now.

  Dean Cumanno : Thank you, God!

  Angela Nardino : I'm ready to do things to you that no woman has ever done before. How about a...

  [whispers in Dean's ear] 

• Angela Nardino : [unzips Dean's pants, looks down]  Oh, my God.

  Dean Cumanno : That's how much I love you, baby.

  Angela Nardino : You must love me - a lot.

• Wendy : [on her knees, under a desk, unzips Dean's pants]  Oh, my God.

  Dean Cumanno : Thanks.