Simon : Your mother is so sexy, sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
Joe : What if I said the same thing about your mother?
Simon : I'd have you committed.
Simon : I've been thinking.
Joe : Yeah?
Simon : Last year we were in the squirt league, and this year we're in the pewee.
Joe : So?
Simon : So what do they want us to do, play baseball or urinate? Anyway, I was just thinking.
Joe : My balls just turned to prunes!
Simon : My balls just turned to raisins!
Joe : Hey, your son is not a screw up, he's a hero.
Mr. Birch : What?
Joe : I said he's a hero. And you don't deserve him. I want you to know that.
Joe : I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
Simon : She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother.
Joe : Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother?
Joe : Jesus, Simon, you look like shit.
Simon : I'm a miracle you know.
Joe : Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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