Sliding Doors (1998)

John Hannah: James

Photos 

Quotes 

• James : Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say.

  Helen : "Always look on the bright side of life"?

  James : No, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."

• James : Everybody's born knowing all the Beatles lyrics instinctively. They're passed into the fetus subconsciously along with all the amniotic stuff. Fact, they should be called "The Fetals".

• [Helen tells James her boyfriend is cheating] 

  James : Well, if it makes you feel any better... do you see that bloke over there?

  [Points to his friend at the end of the bar] 

  James : Not only does he own a personalized matching set of crocodile-skin luggage, but his favorite TV program is Baywatch. So you see there's always someone sadder than you.

  [Helen starts to cry] 

  James : Do you love him?

  Helen : No, I could never love a Baywatch fan.

• James : What are you doing two weeks on Saturday?

  Helen : Probably killing myself.

  James : Excellent. What time does that finish? Do you like boats?

• [last lines] 

  [Helen drops her earring in the lift. James picks it up and gives it to her] 

  Helen : [gloomily]  Thank you.

  James : Cheer up, you know what the Monty Pythons always say...

  Helen : "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition"

  [Helen and James turn and stare at each other as the lift closes] 

• Helen : I-I'm not - I'm not very good at - at, you know...

  James : Constructing sentences?

• Helen : Look, James. Maybe I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry, I'm not being fair. You know, under normal circumstances, etcetera... You're really nice - and funny. My friend Anna thinks you're cute...

  James : Wait. Wait! Your friend Anna thinks I'm cute? Your friend ANNA thinks I'm cute? Shit, I just blew - wait

  [looks at menu] 

  James : - two eighty-five on the wrong girl!

• Helen : I kissed you.

  James : Yeah, I spotted that too.

• Helen : So who are you on the rebound from?

  James : A girl called Pamela. My whole life pivots around Pam and I breaking up.

  Helen : When was that?

  James : 1973, we were eight. I bloody loved that woman! No warning just up, gone, left me for someone else.

  Helen : Who?

  James : Gary Glitter! Gary Glitter for cryin' out loud! I mean all my friends were being left for Donny Osmond or David Cassidy, I could have come to terms with that given time, but Gary oooooh she wanted to touch him there yeeaah...

• James : Haircut suits you, by the way.

  [Helen demurs] 

  James : No, it does, it does! No gag. 'Never make a joke about a woman's hair, clothes or menstrual cycles' - page one.

• James : Hands up if you drank too much, eh?

  Helen : Hey, I'm not as drunk as thinkle peep I am.

  Anna : Put a wick in her mouth and she'd burn for a fortnight.

• James : Everything happens for the best. You'll never know if you don't try.

• [to Helen who is drinking a milk shake] 

  James : Come on! If you don't drink your fatty drinks, you'll never really achieve quality cellulite.

• James : No, I mean, don't think that I have not called you. I haven't not called you. I mean, I don't... I don't mean I haven't not called you, because that's a double negative, so as to say that I have called you.

  Helen : When did you call?

  James : Well, I didn't. But I... I didn't not call you in the way that you might think I didn't call you. Oh, dear.

• James : [James]  Helen, listen, sometimes we are plonked into people's lives when they just need to be cheered up and reassured. And it turns out that for some reason it's your job. We don't know why. In your case it's my job.

• James : Helen listen to me please

  Helen : No You Listen! I don't ever wanna see you again, I have been through enough for one year!

• Helen : I'm sorry if you had a lousy time.

  James : In my book, getting to drink two chocolate milkshakes in the one setting represents social splendor. It's one of the perks of being shallow.

• James : Permission to engage the enemy, sir?

  [Helen smiles and kisses him] 

• Helen : Always look on the Bright Side of Life?

  James : No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!