Warren Clarke: Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel

Quotes 

• [to Pascoe who has just met Dalziel, a surname which is pronounced Dee-ELL] 

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : The first time you walked in, you said "Good morning, Mister Dee-ELL". First bugger that ever got my name right. First time. Unforgivable, that is. "Smartarse", I thought. I was right.

• [Dalziel is talking to Jacko Roberts in the rugby club bar when Gwen Evans walks in] 

  Jacko Roberts : There's one in every rugby club, isn't there?

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : What?

  Jacko Roberts : A nubile woman to inflame the loins of the pack.

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : Aye, once upon a time it were Mary Connon. Now it's Gwen Evans.

  Jacko Roberts : And Arthur doesn't like it.

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : Can't speak for *your* loins, Jacko, but I'd need a set of jump-leads.

• [Pascoe has just introduced Ellie Soper to Dalziel. She has come to the station to give Pascoe a copy of her new book "Coppers & Brass" which she says is about police corruption] 

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : Let me confess. I use foul and abusive language. I pick my nose and scratch my balls. I fart louder than is biologically necessary. And I do it all in public. I've got sod-all to hide, more's the pity. I do my job, collect my wages, and go home and have my tea - generally in the middle of the night. And you will already have observed I *don't* know any funny handshakes. Have you done any in-depth research into children that go missing?

  Ellie Soper : No.

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : Or wicked women who flaunt their naked bodies in full public view?

  Ellie Soper : No.

  Det. Supt. Andy Dalziel : In that case, Mr Pascoe will see you off the premises. We have to be very careful with liberal-minded do-gooders.