Gonzo:
I am here to tell the story.
Rizzo the Rat:
And I am here for the food.
Rizzo the Rat:
Light the lamp, not the rat, light the lamp, not the rat!.
Gonzo:
Err...
[
Suddenly spotting a barrel of water below the lampost]
Gonzo:
Rizzo!
Rizzo the Rat:
What?
[
"Mr Dickens" pushes Rizzo so he falls into the water barrel]
Vegetables:
If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour. Yuck!
Muppet Man:
Even the vegetables don't like him!
[
Gonzo and Rizzo are flying over London]
Gonzo:
Hello, London.
Rizzo the Rat:
Goodbye, lunch!
[
an urchin steals a talking vegetable]
Vegetable:
Help. Help. I'm being stolen!
Ghost of Christmas Past:
Let us see another Christmas at this place.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
They were pretty much all the same. Nothing ever changed.
Ghost of Christmas Past:
You changed.
Fozziwig:
At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.
Jacob Marley:
And it is a tradition for us to take a little nap.
Fozziwig:
Here is my Christmas speech. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas."
Jacob Marley:
That was the speech?
Robert Marley:
It was dumb!
Jacob Marley:
It was obvious!
Robert Marley:
It was pointless!
Jacob Marley:
It was...
[
turns to Robert]
Jacob Marley:
short!
Jacob Marley, Robert Marley:
I loved it!
Rizzo the Rat:
Mother always taught me: "Never eat singing food."
Ebenezer Scrooge:
You're a little absent-minded, spirit.
Ghost of Christmas Present:
No, I am a LARGE absent-minded spirit.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
What business has brought you here?
Ghost of Christmas Past:
Your welfare.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
Heh, a night's unbroken rest might aid my welfare.
Ghost of Christmas Past:
Your salvation, then.
[
Describing Fozziwig]
Ebenezer Scrooge:
What an employer he was. As hard and ruthless as a rose petal!
Rizzo the Rat:
[
as he is being used to clean a window] Thank you for making me a part of this!
Jacob Marley:
Why do you doubt your senses?
Ebenezer Scrooge:
Because a little thing can effect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes. There's more gravy than of grave about you.
Robert Marley:
More gravy than of grave?
Jacob Marley:
What a terrible pun. Where'd you get those jokes?
Robert Marley:
Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.
Robert Marley:
We were always heckling you.
Jacob Marley:
It's good to be heckling again.
Robert Marley:
It's good to be doing anything again.
Kermit the Frog:
If you please Mr. Scrooge, it's gotten colder and the bookkeeping staff would like an extra shovel full of coal for the fire.
Rat #1:
All of your pens have turned to inkcicles.
Rat #2:
Our assets are frozen.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
How would the bookkeeping staff like to be suddenly... UNEMPLOYED?
Rats:
[
singing] HEAT WAVE. This is my island in the sun.
Rizzo the Rat:
There are two things in life I hate-heights and jumping from them.
Gonzo:
Come on, I'll catch you.
Rizzo the Rat:
God save my little broken body.
[
Jumps and falls to the ground. He looks at Gonzo]
Gonzo:
Missed.
Rizzo the Rat:
Oh wait- I forgot my jellybeans.
[
Slides through the bars to retrieve them, and joins Gonzo back on the other side, who is staring at him]
Rizzo the Rat:
What?
Gonzo:
You can fit through those bars?
Rizzo the Rat:
Yeah.
Gonzo:
You are such an idiot.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
What right have you to be merry? You're poor enough.
Fred:
What right have you to be dismal? You're rich enough.
Rizzo the Rat:
Got 'im there. The old boy's speechless.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
If I could work my will any idiot who goes around with a Merry Christmas on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
Rizzo the Rat:
Well, not quite speechless.
Lew Zealand:
It's the boomerang fish. Guaranteed fresh. I throw the fish A-WAY... and it comes back to me. Get 'em while they're fresh.
Sam the Eagle:
[
talking to young Scrooge about business] You see, business, it is the AMERICAN WAY!
Gonzo:
[
whispers] Sam, Sam, come here
[
whispers correctively]
Sam the Eagle:
Oh... It is the BRITISH WAY
Young Scrooge:
Yes, sir.
Ghost of Christmas Past:
There was of course, another Christmas with this girl. Some years later.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
Oh please, spirit... do not show me that Christmas.
Rizzo the Rat:
Rats don't understand these things.
Gonzo:
You were never a lonely child?
Rizzo the Rat:
I had twelve hundred and seventy four brothers and sisters.
Gonzo:
Boy! Rats don't understand these things!
[
the schoolroom shelf has collapsed]
Sam the Eagle:
I've been meaning to fix that shelf!
Ebenezer Scrooge:
Bob Cratchit, I've had my fill of this.
Miss Piggy:
And I have had my fill of you, Mr. Scrooge.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
And therefore, Bob Cratchit...
Miss Piggy:
And therefore, you can leave this house at once.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
And therefore, I'm about to raise your salary!
Miss Piggy:
Ooh, and I am about to raise you right off the pavement...! Pardon?
Kermit the Frog:
Pardon?
Gonzo:
It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve and Scrooge was conscious of a thousand odors, each one connected with a thousand thoughts and hopes and joys and cares long, long forgotten.
Ghost of Christmas Past:
I can remember nearly 1900 years. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
Christmas is a very busy time for us, Mr. Cratchit. People preparing feasts, giving parties, spending the mortgage money on frivolities. One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money-lenders.
Rizzo the Rat:
[
a nearby clock strikes the hour] Oh, what was that?
Gonzo:
Two o'clock.
Rizzo the Rat:
Is it too early for breakfast?
Gonzo:
Yes.
Rizzo the Rat:
Oh good, suppertime!
Rizzo the Rat:
This is scary stuff! Shouldn't we be worried about the kids in the audience?
Gonzo:
Oh, no, this is culture!
[
Scrooge has met the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come]
Rizzo the Rat:
I don't think I can watch any more!
Gonzo:
When you're right, you're right
[
turning to face the audience]
Gonzo:
You're on your own, folks. We'll meet you at the finale!
Rizzo the Rat:
Yeah!
[
Rizzo refuses to belive that Gonzo is Charles Dickens]
Gonzo:
I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!
Rizzo the Rat:
Prove it!
Gonzo:
Okay.
[
turns around and holds his arm out]
Gonzo:
There's a mole on my thumb, and a scar on my wrist, from when I fell of my bicycle!
Rizzo the Rat:
[
shaking his head] No, no, no, don't tell us your hand, tell us the story!
[
Rizzo and "Mr Dickens" are sitting on the window ledge outside Scrooge's bedroom]
Rizzo the Rat:
[
looking around] Are you sure it's safe for us to be up here?
Gonzo:
Scrooge is saved. What could happen now?
Rizzo the Rat:
Yeah, perhaps you're right!
[
Scrooge opens the window, knocking Rizzo and "Mr Dickens" off the ledge]
Gonzo:
He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scr...
[
noticing the window of Scrooge's office]
Gonzo:
Wow, this really *is* a filthy city!
[
Scrooge has thrown Mr Applegate out of the office]
Mr Applegate:
Thank you for not shouting at me!
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I do not make merry at Christmas...
Fred:
That is certainly true.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
And I cannot afford to make other people merry.
Fred:
That is certainly *not* true!
Gonzo:
[
whispering] Once again, I must remind you that the Marleys were dead, and decaying in their graves. That one thing you must remember, or nothing that follows will seem wondrous.
Rizzo the Rat:
Why are you whispering?
Gonzo:
It's for dramatic emphasis.
Rizzo the Rat:
[
falls down a chimney ignoring Gonzo] Hey! I'm stuck! Get me out of here!
Gonzo:
I knew you weren't suited for literature.
Gonzo:
My name is Charles Dickens.
Rizzo the Rat:
And my name is Rizzo the Rat... wait a second! You're not Charles Dickens!
Gonzo:
I am too!
Rizzo the Rat:
No! A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?
Gonzo:
Absolutely!
Rizzo the Rat:
Charles Dickens was a 19th Century novelist! A genius!
Gonzo:
Oh, you're too kind.
Rizzo the Rat:
I fell down the chimney and landed on a flaming hot goose!
Gonzo:
You have all the fun!
Mrs. Dilber:
I've got his blankets.
Old Joe:
[
taking the blankets] Why, Mrs. Dilber, they're still warm. I don't pay extra for the warmth, you know.
Mrs. Dilber:
You should. It's the only warmth he ever had.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
This is Bob Crachit's house.
Ghost of Christmas Present:
How do you know that?
Ebenezer Scrooge:
You just told me.
Ghost of Christmas Present:
Well, I'm *usually* trustworthy.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I don't think I've met anyone quite like you, spirit.
Ghost of Christmas Present:
No? Over 1800 of my brothers have come before me.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
1800! Imagine the grocery bills.
Kermit the Frog:
It's ok, girls. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I'm sure that we shall never forget Tiny Tim, or this first parting that there was among us
Ebenezer Scrooge:
[
moving toward the gravestone as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come silently looks on] These events can yet be changed! A life can be made right.
[
he clears the snow from the stone and reads]
Ebenezer Scrooge:
[
in tears] Ebenezer Scrooge! Ooh... Hear me, Spirit, I'm not the man I was! Why show me this if I am past all hope?... Oh! Tell me, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this cruel stone! Spare me.
Fozziwig:
Belle. You know. I love these annual Christmas parties. I love 'em so much. I think we'll do it twice a year!
Young Scrooge:
[
he shoves past Belle and Fozziwig] Oh, excuse me.
[
he sees Belle and is instantly attracted]
Fozziwig:
Oh. Master Scrooge!
Young Scrooge:
Excuse me.
Fozziwig:
Belle, I'd like to introduce you to Ebenezer Scrooge... the finest young financial mind in the city. Ebenezer. This is Belle, a friend of the Fozziwig family.
Belle:
I'm pleased to meet you.
[
she offers her hand, Scrooge kisses it]
Fozziwig:
Well, I'm glad you two finally met.
Rizzo the Rat:
How do you know what Scrooge is doin'? We're down here and he's up dere.
Gonzo:
I told you, storytellers are omniscient; I know everything!
Rizzo the Rat:
Hoity-toity, Mr. Godlike Smarty-Pants.
Gonzo:
To conduct a proper search, Scrooge was forced to light the lamps.
[
the lamps come on]
Rizzo the Rat:
How does he do dat?
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I'll see you tomorrow at 8.
Kermit the Frog:
But sir, tomorrow's Christmas.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
8:30 then.
Kermit the Frog:
Sir, half an hour off hardly seems customary on Christmas Day
Ebenezer Scrooge:
How much is customary?
Kermit the Frog:
The whole day.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
The entire day?
Rats:
No. that's the frog's idea
Ghost of Christmas Past:
These are the shadows of the past. That they are what they are do not blame me.
Belle:
[
as they sit together] Another year before our wedding, Ebenezer.
Young Scrooge:
Well, it can't be helped, Belle. How could we marry now? There's not even enough for a decent home. The investments haven't grown as they should.
Belle:
So you said last year.
Young Scrooge:
Business continues to be poor.
Belle:
You're a partner in your own firm now.
Young Scrooge:
And barely clearing expenses.
Belle:
You said the partnership was the goal.
Young Scrooge:
This is for you.
[
turns to Belle]
Young Scrooge:
I love you, Belle.
Belle:
You did once.
Kermit the Frog:
Other business will be closed - there'll be noone to do business with. It'll waste a lot of expensive coal for the fire!
Rats:
Yeah!
Ebenezer Scrooge:
It seems a poor reason to pick a man's pocket every December 25th, but as I seem to be the only man who realises that, you may have the day off.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
[
Standing at the door] Be here all the earlier the next morning!
Rat #1:
Yes sir!
Rizzo the Rat:
Oh, Gonzo, speak to me! I mean, Mr. Dickens. Charlie! Are you hurt?
Related Links
*
