Memorable quotes for
Hudson Hawk (1991) More at IMDbPro »

[to a waiter at a classy restaurant in Rome]
Butterfinger: C'mon, Pierre! Read my lips: steak burger! French Fries? This is France, you gotta have French Fries.
Almond Joy: Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger. She said, as if it made a difference.
Butterfinger: Ah, to be in "Paree" and in love!

---

Cardinal: Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA!

---

Darwin Mayflower: History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!

---

Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Bialowski? I can get you an address on that, if you want.

---

Hudson Hawk: You fuck my freedom for a lousy job?

---

Narrator: Long ago, the Duke of Milan commissioned a little known artist to erect a Mammoth statue of a horse. The time was 1481. The artist was Leonardo da Vinci. The guy on the donkey's just a guy on a donkey.

---

[Hawk has just decapitated a villain]
Hudson Hawk: Looks like you won't be attending that hat convention in July.

---

Gates: I got a proposition for ya.
Hudson Hawk: Answer's "no," Gates... Even if you bathe.

---

Hudson Hawk: But I want to do community service; I want to teach the handicapped how to yodel.

---

Hudson Hawk: If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."

---

Jerry: 673 Wongs in the phone book.
Dean: Hmmm. Helluva lotta Wong numbers.

---

Tommy Five-Tone: Did I miss anything?
Hudson Hawk: Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything." Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything." I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre and said "How was the show? Did I miss anything?"

---

Hudson Hawk: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for getting a job in the art world?

---

Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto Darwin.
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.

---

George Kaplan: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician.
Hudson Hawk: Why George you old softie.
George Kaplan: God, I miss Communism. The Red threat... people were scared... the agency had some respect and I got laid every night.

---

Waiter: I am the waiter sir.
Hudson Hawk: Oh. Very nice. Fettucini con fungi porcinni. Prego. Oh, and bring me a bottle of ketchup, will ya?
Anna: You heard him.
Waiter: Ketchup! Ketchup! Stupid Americanos always ketchup...

---

Darwin Mayflower: The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter...
Minerva Mayflower: ...on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris.
Hudson Hawk: As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?

---

Darwin Mayflower: If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us.

---

Hudson Hawk: Will you play Nintendo with me?
Anna: I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with.

---

George Kaplan: The last time you saw me I was bald, beard with no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended
Hudson Hawk: My high school science teacher?

---

Darwin Mayflower: I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.

---

Darwin Mayflower: You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week son of a bitch.

---

Anna: He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it. I'm not sure when.
Cardinal: Attempt to steal, you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk! The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.

---

Anna: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been 1,200 hours since my last confession.
Cardinal: [yawning] Hit me with your best shot.
Anna: I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief.

---

Hudson Hawk: Hey, this doesn't taste like cappuccino.
Anna: Oh. I guess I put too much ethyl chloride in it.

---

Darwin Mayflower: Money isn't everything - gold is. Fuck T-bills! Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal! Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD!

---

Minerva Mayflower: Bunny, ball ball.

---

Anna: I'm not a very good damsel in a dress, am I?

---

Hudson Hawk: Anna, we're supposed to be saving you.
Anna: I know. I got bored so I saved myself.

---

Anna: I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow. What does the color blue taste like? Bobo knows? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I must speak with the dolphins now. Eeeee-eeee-eee-eeeeeee!
Darwin Mayflower: Yo Flipper! A damsel in distress implies that there is some well-hung Dudly Do-Right galloping up to save you.

---

Anna: [Upon Hudson Hawk learning she is a nun] It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Hudson Hawk: Oh, no! You love me! It's YOUR JOB! You probably love Butterfingers over there.
Anna: Well, yeah, in a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.

---

[Tommy Five-Tone is miraculously alive at the end of the film]
Hudson Hawk: You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill!
Tommy Five-Tone: Air bags! Can you fucking believe it?
Anna: You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh!
Tommy Five-Tone: Sprinkler system set up in the back! Can you fucking BELIEVE it?

---

Hudson Hawk: How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fuckin'-die!

---

Anna: In one day - less than one day of planning, and you did it. You started the week by stealing the Sforza and ended by swiping the Codex. What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Coliseum? Tell me, did the Devil make you do it, or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?
Hudson Hawk: Can't we just go back to the kissing part?

---

Almond Joy: Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars. Well, it's better than when we first started out. Our code names were diseases. Do you know what it's like being called Chlamydia for a year?

---

Darwin Mayflower: What can I tell you? I'm the bad guy.

---

Butterfinger: I'm Butterfingers.
Hudson Hawk: No shit.

---

Almond Joy: This is what I get for darting a nun!

---

[last lines]
Narrator: With the world saved and the secrets of Da Vinci protected, Eddie finally got his coffee.

---

Tommy Five-Tone: That doughnut-hole-eating, son-of-a-bitch, take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer, rat bastard!

---

Hudson Hawk: Reindeer Goat Cheese Pizza?

---

George Kaplan: [as the limo goes over the cliff] MY PENSION!

---

[to the two museum guards who wanted to catch Hawk and Five-Tone and fell]
Big Stan: Get up, you're embarrassing me!

---

Kit Kat: [flips a card so that Hawk can read it] "My name is KitKat. This is not a dream."

---

Darwin Mayflower: Waldo, 100 million clams! Yes!
Auctioneer: That's 100 millon dollars to Mr. Darwin Mayflower.
Minerva Mayflower: 100 million and one, Waldo!
Auctioneer: Fantastic! 100 million dollars and one.
Darwin Mayflower: Outbid by mine own wench! Quelle bummere!
Minerva Mayflower: Don't hate me baby!

---

Igg: Igg!
Ook: Ook!

---

Snickers: [leaping around, desperately trying to remove the bomb stuck to his forehead] Get this fucking thing off my head!
Hudson Hawk: Hey Tommy, look at Snickers. He's about to have a bad migraine.
Snickers: [timer runs out] Maybe it was a dud.
[bomb explodes]

---

Gates: So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?
Alfred: [Alfred enters through door] Any minute now, Mr. Gates.
Gates: [sardonic] Sorry, 'Jeeves'.

---

Hudson Hawk: They had the worst ketchup when I was in prison.
[freezes, realizing his slip]
Anna: Prison?
Hudson Hawk: [struggling] ... I was the warden...?

---

Anna: Wow. You were... in the joint. Doing... hard time. You know, it's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners.
Hudson Hawk: Well, I seem to have a thing for sinning.
[to waiter]
Hudson Hawk: Check please.

---

Hudson Hawk: The man knows! The man knows!

---

[looking down from the roof of the auction house when escaping the guard]
Hudson Hawk: I can't tell you how happy I am that we covered our tracks.

---

Tommy Five-Tone: [to Hawk] You know they invented something while you were inside? It's called "the watch".

---

[Anna, Tommy and Hudson Hawk are passing by the Forum Romanum]
Hudson Hawk: What's with all these stones in people's back yard?
Tommy Five-Tone: That is called ruins...

---

Hudson Hawk: Anthony Mario, Cesar Mario, I didn't know the circus was in town.
Cesar Mario: So, Hawk, Why wont you do the Auction House
Hudson Hawk: Call me superstitious Cesar, but I don't like committing a crime within 24 hours of getting out of the joint.
Cesar Mario: Come on Hawk, is one nights work, you take their thingy and put it in this thingy.
Hudson Hawk: Directions even your brother can understand.
Antony Mario: Yeah! Directions even I can understand.
Cesar Mario: [slaps Anthony on the shoulder] Shut up!
Cesar Mario: Look, Hawk, if you wann go straight, open up and hardware store and sell spatchulas be my guest.
Hudson Hawk: You know, if the Marios weren't the 3rd largest crime family in New York I'd say "Kiss my Ass" but considering your status I'm gonna say "Slurp my Butt"
Tommy Five-Tone: [walk sover with a bottle of wine] Have you ladies sampled our fine house wine? I think you'll enjoy it.
Antony Mario: Beat it Tommy huh! No Dionsaurs allowed.
Tommy Five-Tone: [Tommy smashes the bottle over Anthonys head] Here!
Cesar Mario: [holds back his men from going after Tommy and Hawk] Stop! Lets go.

---

Hudson Hawk: You know Ceasar, if the Mario Brothers weren't New Jersey's third largest family I would say kiss my ass, but considering your status I will say slurp my butt.

---

Hudson Hawk: [after throwing butterfinger head first into the phone booth] Want a little more, Jumbo? I'll kick your big flabby ass!
George Kaplan: Impressive Hawk. Enjoying Italy?
Hudson Hawk: [rubs his chin after being hit in the face] Yeah.
George Kaplan: Yes I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare handed strangilation here. A Communist Polotition.
Hudson Hawk: Why George, you big softie.
George Kaplan: God, I miss Communisim. The Red Threat, people were scared... the agency had some respect, and I got laid every night. Snickers Brief him.
Snickers: Good news Hawk, the Mayflowers have moved up the time table, you're hitting the Vatican tonight.
Hudson Hawk: Oh no! No no, hold on, no way! The timing is off; I'm underequipped; and besides that: I've got a date.
Almond Joy: Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps? Gee stud, this's gon' be some date! No Harvey's Bristol Cream?
George Kaplan: Snickers make that list happen. Oh, and Hawk, it's one thing to mess with the Mayflowers, but we're sore lossers. We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Tommy are nothing more than... a late afternoon trisket. Chow.
Hudson Hawk: Hey! Old Man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little cub-scout army, and I'll kick your centrally-intelligent ass up one side of the piaza and down the other!
[elbows KitKat in the face who was mimicing Hawk's tirade. KitKat hands Hawk a card and he reads]
Hudson Hawk: Beware the blue wire.
[Hawk looks up and does a double take to see Butterfinger handing him 100 stamps]
Butterfinger: Hey Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps.
Hudson Hawk: [In the voice of BooBoo from Yogi Bear] Good Yogi.

---

Kit Kat: [repels down next to Hawk and holds a que card in front of hiim to read] My name is KitKat, this is not a dream.
[strikes Hawk on the back of the neck and walks away]
Hudson Hawk: [gets a shock from snickers] OOWW! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!
Snickers: Name's Snickers, plane leave in forty.
Almond Joy: [opening a crate] Almond Joy. Get it, candy bars. It's bette rthen when first started out, our code names were diseases, do you know what it's like being called Climitia for a year. Woops forgot.
[back fists Hawk in the face]
Butterfinger: [steps out of a port-o-potty, catches his jacket in the door and pulls over the port-o-potty trying to get free] The names Butterfinger.
Hudson Hawk: No Shit.
George Kaplan: Do you like the companies new look? I call them the M.T.V.I.A.
Almond Joy: George, you promised, no old CIA, new CIA jokes.
George Kaplan: Punks. They think that the "Bay of Pig" is an herbal tea and that the cold war has something to do with Penguins.
Hudson Hawk: Don't I know you?
George Kaplan: The last time you saw me I was bald with a beard and no mustash, and I have a different nose, so if you don't recognize me I won't be offended.
Hudson Hawk: My High School science teacher?
George Kaplan: Ha Ha. I'm the guy, who trick you into robbing the government installation, and then had you sent to prison for it.
Hudson Hawk: George Kaplan.
[rushes toward him to strangle him and is instantly surrounded by guns]
Hudson Hawk: Ha Ha, I'm not the type to hold a grudge George.

---

Related Links

Plot summary	Plot keywords	Amazon.com summary
FAQ	User comments	Trivia
Goofs	Main details	IMDb quotes browser
Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other

*