- Idiot Punk: You look like a clown in that stupid jacket.
- Sailor: This is a snakeskin jacket! And for me it's a symbol of my individuality, and my belief... in personal freedom.
- Idiot Punk: Asshole.
- Sailor: C'mere.
- Sailor: I'd like to apologize to you gentlemen for referring to you all as homosexuals. You taught me a valuable lesson in life.
- Good Witch: Don't turn away from love, Sailor. Don't turn away from love. Don't turn away from love.
- OO Spool: My dog barks, some. Mentally you picture my dog, but I have not told you the type o' dog which I have. Perhaps you might even picture Toto... from "The Wizard of Oz." But I can tell you, my dog is all ways with me. ARF!
- Sailor: If ever somethin' don't feel right to you, remember what Pancho said to the Cisco Kid: "Let's win, before we're dancing at the end of a rope, without music."
- Sailor: Let's go out into the crazy world of New Orleans! Go to Robbie's and get a fried banana sandwich.
- Lula: Sometimes, Sail', when we're makin' love, you just about take me right over that rainbow. You are so aware of what goes on in me, I mean, you pay attention. And I swear, baby, you got the sweetest cock. It's like it's talking to me when you're inside. Like it's got this little voice all it's own.
- Lula: You remind me of my daddy, you know. Mama told me he liked skinny women with breasts that stood up and said "Hello".
- Sailor: Man, I had a boner with a capital "O". Anyway, I found her lyin' in a room filled with assault weapons and spank house magazines. So, I slid my hand between her legs again, and she closed her thighs on it.
- Lula: You're excitin' me, honey. Then what'd she do?
- Sailor: Well, her face was half pushed into the pillow, and I remember, she - she looked back over her shoulder at me and said: "I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you."
- Lula: Oh, poor baby, she don't know what she missed. What color hair she have?
- Sailor: Jet black, but gentlemen prefer blondes.
- Bobby Peru: Ya know, I sure do like a girl with nice tits like yours who talks tough and looks like she can fuck like a bunny. Do you fuck like that? Cause if ya do, I'll fuck ya good. Like a big ol' jackrabbit bunny, jump all around that hole. Bobby Peru don't come up for air.
- Bobby Peru: I gotta take a piss bad, can I use your head?
- Lula: Uh... yeah, I guess.
- Bobby Peru: I don't mean your head-head. I'm not gonna piss on your head, your hair and all, I'm just gonna piss in the toilet. Y'all take a listen, you'll hear the deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru.
- Marcelles Santos: You want me to shoot Sailor... in the brains... with a gun?
- Marietta Fortune: Yes.
- Marcelles Santos: In the forehead?
- Marietta Fortune: Yes.
- Marcelles Santos: Wrong. It's always better to blow a hole through the back of the head, right through to the bridge of the nose. Lots of irreparable brain damage.
- Marcelles Santos: You been crying? You gotta cut out this crybaby stuff, you know? You're my girl now, and Santos - Santos - Santos wants to wipe away the tears and make you happy.
- Marietta Fortune: Buffalo hunting? I've gone buffalo huntin'? What the fuck does that mean? Buffalo huntin'!
- Sailor: [Casually lights a cigarette as the gang members surround him] Ok, what do all you faggots want?
- Bob Ray Lemon: Marietta tells me you been tryin to fuck her in the toilet for the past ten minutes... How 'bout that, tryin to fuck your girl's mama... Tell me, what's that little cunt Lula think about that?
- Sailor: Uh-oh.
- Marietta Fortune: [stumbling into men's room with a martini] Yoo-hoo! Sailor boy! How would you like to fuck Lula's momma?
- Sailor: Uh, no ma'am, I sure don't...
- Marietta Fortune: Lula's momma would like to fuck you. Come on.
- Sailor: Ms. Fortune, I really think you need a cup of coffee. I really do.
- Sailor: She turns over, peels off them orange pants, spreads her legs real wide and says to me..."Take a bite of Peach."
- Bobby Peru: Say cheese!
- [Shoots bank employee]
- Sailor: Cool it man!
- Bobby Peru: You're next... fucker!
- [Sailor's gun doesn't fire]
- Bobby Peru: Those are... dummies... dummy!
- Girl in Accident: [shocked and bleeding] I got bobby pin...
- [showing a bobby pin]
- Girl in Accident: It was bobby pin...
- Girl in Accident: [looking for her wallet in her pocket] I can't find it. My mother's gonna kill me. It's got all my cards in it, and it was in my pocket, and now my pocket's gone. Gotta help me find it, my mother's gonna kill me. It's got all my cards in it, and it was in my pocket. It was in my pocket...
- [shouting]
- Girl in Accident: My purse is gone! My purse is gone, now she tells me!
- Lula: Have you been noticin' the build up in traffic?
- Sailor: Here she goes again.
- Lula: I'm sorry, Sailor, but that ozone layer' s disappearin'. One of these mornings, the sun's gonna come up and burn a hole clean through the planet like an electrical X-ray.
- Sailor: Well that ain't never will happen, honey. At least not in our lifetime. By then, they'll be drivin' Buicks to the moon.
- Sailor: You're gonna have to kill me to keep me away from Lula.
- Marietta Fortune: Oh, don't worry about that. And before I do, I'm gonna cut your balls off and feed 'em to ya.
- Lula: Dell said that trust in the spirit of Christmas was destroyed by ideas being controlled by aliens wearing black gloves. These aliens would get Dell to do all kinds of things. Then he'd carry on about the weather, talk about how rainfall is controlled by aliens on earth. Aunt Rootie told Dell that one day he would realize that the alien wearing the black gloves was him, and him alone.
- Sailor: Honey, you ain't gonna begin worrying now about what's bad for you? I mean, here you are, crossing state lines with a 'A' number one certified murderer. Murderer.
- Lula: A manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate.
- Sailor: Okay, manslaughterer - who just broke parole and got nothin' in mind but immoral purposes, as far as you're concerned.
- Lula: Thank the Lord! Well, you ain't let me down yet Sail'. It's more than I can say for the rest of the world.