- Putnam: All right, I'm looking for a couple of kids. This one's a mental case, have you seen them?
- Pinball Teen: Does he dress like you?
- Putnam: No.
- Pinball Teen: Then he can't be too much of a case, all right?
- Lucas: Hey, it's the wizard! I hope you don't get nervous like last time. We wouldn't want you to..."wiz" on someone!
- [about her mom]
- Haley: She packed it in. She was a showgirl. Great legs. I got her legs, what do you think?
- Nick: You know Bateman, I always knew that you were a jerk. I just until now thought that it was guilt by association.
- Sam: I don't believe this. I got the scroll weapon, and I almost beat Mecha-Turtle at the end of level three!
- [Sam is playing Zelda II The Adventures Of Link]
- Nick: Pop I think we got it.
- Sam: Wait a second. I'm on the sixth palace of Hyrule. Yeah! I got past the river devil.
- Nick: Terrific.
- [Turns off the Nintendo]
- Sam: What the hell are you doing? I had the magic key. I got the cross. I was closing in on the barbarian!
- Nick: You're losing it pop.
- Corey: So, according to this, we're in Goblin Valley. Great. I mean, I mean, I mean... it couldn't be Happy Valley or Wonderful Valley. Goblin Valley. Why not, Axe Murderer's Valley?
- Corey: [as he puts his arm around Haley] Yeah, well, uh, just keep your Power Gloves off her, pal, huh?
- Corey: Where are we?
- Haley: Does it matter? We're broke.
- Corey: Oh yeah you're telling me! You're the one with all the trucker friends, the one who knows all the codes.
- Haley: I got you this far, didn't I?
- Corey: Oh, I don't even know where "this" is!
- Haley: A lot of faith you got.
- Corey: Oh will you stop Haley? I mean we don't have any money. Aren't you just a little scared?
- Haley: I don't get scared! Now give me the four bucks you're holding out on.
- Corey: What?
- Haley: You flashed 21, you stashed four from the change at lunch. They didn't get it because you put it in your shorts. Now dish it up!
- Corey: You're getting awful personal you know.
- Bateman: Jimmy just picks up his little lunch pail. What is in that thing? And off he goes. He can go anywhere: downtown, the canyons, the river...
- Christine Bateman: He doesn't go to the river! He never even goes near the river!
- Bateman: Okay, he stays away from the river. But I'm telling you anytime, I mean he could just pick up and go, The Happy Wanderer at the stroke of midnight, if he feels the urge, in the middle of his Frosted Flakes. "I've got the neighborhood on red alert and I'm putting the cops on overtime!"
- [first lines]
- Pilot: Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I found him. I found him. His mother was right. He's about three miles south of the old Butte Road.