- Dinger: [sitting alone in Joel's car, waiting] Wow... shit's gotten weird. Me, Dinger - this unbelievably-looking guy - is sitting out here, freezing my ass off in some butt-ugly red Mustang. Well, now I have ample time?
- [looks down at wrist]
- Dinger: I don't have a watch, I never had a watch. Why did I look at my wrist? At the dance. Dancing perfectly. With a hot chick. She wanted me. I know she wanted me. Well, every girl wants me. I should be in Hawaii drinking a piña colada, looking at some Hawaii chick. "Hello, honey."
- [first lines]
- Bobby Keller: Dinger! Dinger, wake up for a minute. I gotta talk to you, Buddy.
- Dinger: Bobby, I'm asleep. I'm sound asleep, Bobby. I'm dreaming. Apache women. Mai-taih's. Vannah White and a whip.
- Bobby Keller: I'm in love.
- Dinger: That could be a problem.
- Bobby Keller: I don't think you understand.
- Dinger: No, no, I do understand. I really do. Which hand is it this week PAL?
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Why do we have to take something so far that it can't be taken back? I'll tell you why - because we're young, and when you're young, every little thing seems so big.
- Bobby Keller: You gotta do me some things. You gotta stop eating the tofu shit because the tofu shit is driving me crazy. I mean, it's really making me really nauseous. And y'know, you gotta stop telling people what to eat, it's just not me. How often do you see me telling people what to eat? I don't do it. Okay, something else: There's some home-movies downstairs, watch em. Learn how to speak like a normal person. I don't talk like that.Oh, also, some mousse. There's some mousse in the bathroom. You gotta do something with the mousse, my hair looks like shit, I never have my hair look like shit. They're gonna know something's up, alright? Something's weird here.
- Dinger: You know, why does everything you have to say... You know, why does it have to revolve around sex? Why? Why are you so perverted?
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Uh, you're Dinger, right?
- Dinger: Rigggght. Me Dinger, you Bobby. Me look cool; you look like shit, pal. It's okay, though. It's okay. We'll make it a fashion statement.
- Lainie Diamond: You're crazy. D'you know that?
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] And I'm also, uh... cute, too. Aren't I?
- Bobby Keller: "Heh" - that's the way I laugh. You know - "Heh!"
- Dinger: What the Hell is "Heh?" Why can't you laugh like a man?
- Dinger: [playing an air guitar against his cane] Dyeh dyiroo-dyeh dyeh!
- Bobby Keller: Ohhhh, our life is tough.
- Dinger: Dyeh dyiroo dyeh dyeh!
- Bobby Keller: Money never seems to be enough.
- Dinger: Dyeh dyeh, dyeh dyeh!
- Bobby Keller: And if I could have, oh, just one thing...
- Dinger: Byeh, Byiroo-dyeh dyeh! Holy God, I wish you can sing.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Hey babe. I just wanted to fill you in regarding last night. I wanted to tell you I was not a cool dude, right? And also, like, totally unchilled. And, um, y'know I should really chill out some more, right? Right?
- Dinger: That's right. Messin' with Rambo's little brother. That's right. Woo-hoo, dust, pal. Dust. First mistake.
- Bobby Keller: You were expecting, maybe... Freddy Krueger?
- Coleman Ettinger: Who's Freddy Krueger?
- Bobby Keller: It's before your time.
- Cherry Diamond: Where do you think you're going?
- Lainie Diamond: To run away from home and become a prostitute.
- Dinger: You're in love with Lainie? Lainie? Lainie Diamond? I can't believe what I'm hearing here, Bobby! Are we talking about Joel's Lainie? Hold on, are we atlking about Lainie the one that looks great in a leotard Lainie? Yeah, great, she looks fabulous in a leotard! She's Joel's! Have you any idea who Joel is? Joel? Psycho Joel? Joel's gonna kill me. Joel's gonna walk in here and kill both of us at the same time!
- Lainie Diamond: Thank you for a frightening, confusing, strange and dangerous time. What more could a girl ask for?
- Bobby Keller: Well, you know, you are the brains around here, pops, but let me tell you something, just to clue you in: when you pack, leaving usually tends to follow.
- Dinger: No, no keep going. Now, ge... gimme... gimme more than that.
- Bobby Keller: I'm flunking every grade in school.
- Dinger: Marvelous, so am I.
- Bobby Keller: Penniless.
- Dinger: Gimme something better than that.
- Bobby Keller: Okay, uh... my parents don't even talk to me.
- Dinger: Yeah, well at least your mom didn't run over your leg in her Volvo, right? Mine did.
- Bobby Keller: Yeah, but see my mom doesn't go into spazticated seizures every once and again.
- Dinger: That's rude, mister.
- Dinger: Bobby, you know Joel's gonna find out about you and Lainie Monday morning at school. I-I-I tried to warn ya, but did you listen? No.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Yeah. Well, hopefully I won't be in school Monday.
- Dinger: That's a real good idea, pal. Real good. Bobby, let me ask you a question. Do you really honestly know what you're doing? No, no. Wait, wait, wait. Forget I asked. You obviously don't. You keep proving it to me.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby, putting his arm around him] Listen Dinger, I-I just want to say that, you know, I-I-I appreciate us being friends and everything, and-and-and you helped me through this.
- Dinger: I got it. You want money. That's what you want, right? Money.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] No. No, not at all. I just... I just wanted to-to let you know that I appreciate you being my friend.
- Dinger: Bobby?
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Yeah?
- Dinger: Dude, you turning fag on me or what? What's happening?
- Coleman Ettinger: How many times have I told you this is private property?
- Bobby Keller: Everyday, sir.
- Coleman Ettinger: Well, then why don't you go another way? "Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Emerson, 1841.
- Coleman Ettinger: Stay off the grass! Look what you're doing to my lawn!
- Dinger: Oh, you don't have to thank us, sir. It was our pleasure.
- Coleman Ettinger: Thanking you never entered my mind.
- Dumas: How dumb do you think I am?
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] I don't know. It's a pretty leading question. How dumb are ya?
- [Bobby comes home with a busted lip and a black eye]
- Gus Keller: Look at this.
- Kit Keller: Oh!...
- Gus Keller: Can you imagine what he's done now? Ask him if the police are very far behind him.
- Kit Keller: It's those no good friends of his.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] The police are not behind me and it's not my friends, okay? My friends won't beat me up like this.
- Gus Keller: Ask him if I'm gonna get sued. Check out if he's got any teeth left. I can't afford the dental bills.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] You know, it's no wonder I'm so screwed up! I mean, look at you guys. You don't even talk to me. I'm your son, remember? Why don't you ever give me the benefit of the doubt? You don't even ask me if anything's wrong. You don't even ask me if I'm hurt. I mean, what's the matter with you? You don't understand what it's like to be a kid in today's society! I'm trying my hardest! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I screamed. It's just really upsetting. I-I try to do everything I can and I'm studying hard and I'm going to do good on my SATs on Saturday. I'm going to.
- Gus Keller: Yeah. Sure.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] I mean, I'm working really hard. I just need you to help me. I cannot do this without you.
- Gus Keller: Okay.
- Kit Keller: Okay.
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Goodnight, uh... Goodnight, Gus and... Kit. Goodnight.
- Kit Keller: Goodnight, honey.
- [Bobby leaves the room]
- Gus Keller: When did he start calling us Gus and Kit?
- Coleman Ettinger: Be like the roots of a tree.
- Gena Ettinger: You be like a root. I feel like the sap.
- Bobby Keller: And, also, if you weren't so damned smart you would have figured this whole thing out two dreams ago.
- Bobby Keller: YOU... don't seem to have any of the answers.
- Coleman Ettinger: What do YOU know about all of this?
- Bobby Keller: Shit. I'm just caught in a dream, and I don't even think it's mine.
- Coleman Ettinger: Well, it certainly isn't mine.
- Bobby Keller: Well, I'm not the one that was dickin' around with reality.
- Coleman Ettinger: I don't care about you! I just want my wife back.
- Gus Keller: Dingle! Go after him!
- Dinger: I can't, sir! I have a broken leg!
- Gus Keller: Will you move!
- Bobby Keller: [Coleman as Bobby] Why do they have little cereal bowls rolled up at the end of their sleeves?