- Nancy Walker: If a movie were to be made about their marriage, it would be 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Part 2'.
- Columbo: If you don't mind, sir, it's very cold out here, you think I could come in? This coat doesn't have a lining.
- Dr. Wesley Corman: [playing cards] It's nine o'clock and I'm already getting killed.
- Nancy Walker: The night is young.
- Dentist: At least your wife and dog love you. Last time I tried to clean my wife's teeth ... she bit me.