Alonzo Mosely:
Let me tell you something, asshole. I've been working on this Jimmy Serrano thing for about six years; Mardukas is my shot. I'm gonna bring him into federal court, and I don't want any third-rate rent-a-thug who couldn't cut it as a cop in Chicago bringing him to LA on some bullshit local charge. Do I make myself understood?
Jack Walsh:
Can I ask you something? These sunglasses, they're really nice: are they government-issued, or all you guys go to the same store to get them?
Alonzo Mosely:
What should be of paramount importance to you right now is not the phone calls, it's the fact that you're gonna spend ten years for impersonating a federal agent.
Jack Walsh:
10 years for impersonating a fed, uh?
Alonzo Mosely:
10 years.
Jack Walsh:
How comes no one's after you?
Jack Walsh:
I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I gotta check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I can't fly.
Jack Walsh:
What?
Jonathan Mardukas:
You heard me, I can't fly.
Jack Walsh:
No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that, pal.
Jonathan Mardukas:
No, I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth, I can't fly: I suffer from aviaphobia.
Jack Walsh:
What does that mean?
Jonathan Mardukas:
It means I can't fly. I also suffer from acrophobia and claustrophobia.
Jack Walsh:
I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".
Jack Walsh:
Where am I? I'm in Boise, Idaho; no, no, no, wait a minute: I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. No, no, wait: I'm in Casper, Wyoming; I'm in the lobby of a Howard Johnson's and I'm wearing a pink carnation.
Eddie Moscone:
What the fuck are you talking about?
Jack Walsh:
I am not talking to you, I am talking to the other guys.
Eddie Moscone:
What other guys?
Jack Walsh:
Well, let me describe the scene to you: There are these guys, see? They've probably been up for like two days; they stink of B.O.; they have coffee breath; they're constipated from sittin' on their asses for so long; they're sitting in a van, and they're probably parked right up the street from your office Eddie, YOUR PHONE IS TAPPED!
Jack Walsh:
How much is here?
Jonathan Mardukas:
Neighborhood of three-hundred-thousand
[
dollars]
Jonathan Mardukas:
.
Jack Walsh:
That's a, that's a, a very respectable neighborhood.
Jack Walsh:
I never took a payoff in my life and I'm not gonna start with someone like you.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Why not?
Jack Walsh:
Because you're a fucking criminal and you deserve to go where you're going and I'm gonna take you there and if hear any more shit outta you: I'm gonna fucking bust your head and I'll put you back in that fucking hole and I'm gonna stick your head in the fucking toilet bowl and I'm gonna make it stay there.
[
first lines]
[
Jack trying to pick door lock. He drops one of his picks. When he bends over to pick it up, a gun shot is fired through the door, right where his head had been previously]
Jack Walsh:
Shit!
Jonathan Mardukas:
Jahé, everybody, jahé
Jack Walsh:
What's that?
Jonathan Mardukas:
It means 'hello'. I can say 'hello' in a lot of different languages. Not yours, but a lot of them.
[
last lines]
Jack Walsh:
[
Jack hails cab. When it pulls over he knocks on passenger side front window and driver rolls it down]
[
Pointing at driver]
Jack Walsh:
You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would ya?
Cab Driver:
Whatta ya, a comedian? Get outta here, you bum!
[
Cab driver drives away]
Jack Walsh:
[
Zips up coat and turns up collar] Looks like I'm walkin'.
Marvin Dorfler:
Fucking A! I'm the best!
Jonathan Mardukas:
I got money, y'know.
Jack Walsh:
I'm sure you do.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I'll give you whatever you want.
Jack Walsh:
Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.
Jimmy Serrano:
Is this moron number one? Put moron number two on the phone.
Jimmy Serrano:
You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fuckin' pencil. Do you understand me?
Tony Darvo:
You got it, Jimmy.
Joey:
Hey, Tony... he ain't mad at me, is he?
Jonathan Mardukas:
[
making fun of Jack] Jack? "What?" When do you think you we're gonna get to L.A.? "None of your fucking business!" Well, I have to go to the bathroom. "Shut the fuck up!"
Jonathan Mardukas:
Did she hurt you, Jack?
Jack Walsh:
Yeah, she did.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I'm sorry.
Jack Walsh:
What're you sorry about?
Jonathan Mardukas:
I'm sorry you're hurt.
Jack Walsh:
I'm not hurt.
Jonathan Mardukas:
You just said you were hurt.
Jack Walsh:
I'm not hurt.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I just asked you if you were hurt and you said "Yeah, I'm hurt."
Jack Walsh:
That's because you made me say that.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.
Jack Walsh:
You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: Shut the fuck up.
Jimmy Serrano:
Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of milk... Do some fuckin' thing.
Jack Walsh:
I knew you had money. I didn't know you HAD money.
Jonathan Mardukas:
You two are the dumbest bounty hunters I have ever seen! You couldn't even deliver a bottle of milk!
Jonathan Mardukas:
You lied to me first!
Jack Walsh:
What the - -YOU LIED TO ME FIRST!
Jonathan Mardukas:
Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first!
Jack Walsh:
How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Alonzo Mosely:
Is this gonna upset me?
FBI Agent Tuttle:
I think it's safe to say that.
[
last lines]
Jack Walsh:
You wouldn't happen to have change of a thousand, would ya?
Cab Driver:
What are you, a comedian? Get out of here, ya bum!
Jack Walsh:
Well, looks like I'm walkin'.
Jason:
You don't look like a criminal.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I'm a white-collar criminal.
Jonathan Mardukas:
What's the name of this establishment?
Red Wood:
Red's Corner Bar.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Are you Red?
Red Wood:
Yes.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Do you dye your hair?
Red Wood:
No.
[
pause]
Jonathan Mardukas:
Why do they call you Red?
Red Wood:
It's short for Redwood. My last name's Wood.
Jonathan Mardukas:
What's your first name?
Red Wood:
Bill.
Marvin Dorfler:
Jack, nothing personal, but fuck off.
Jimmy Serrano:
Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head.
Gail:
Jack you shouldn't be here. Ted will come arrest you and him.
Jack Walsh:
Arrest us?
Gail:
yeah.
Jack Walsh:
Then, we'll get into lots of troubles because I'm afraid I'm little short of bribe money.
Gail:
All right Jack, don't. Stop this.
Jack Walsh:
I don't know whatever his name is?
Gail:
Captain.
Jack Walsh:
Captain! Royalty!
Gail:
Jack,I don't want any trouble. Do you understand that? Please. It is not a good day for this. I mean it.
Jack Walsh:
I'm sorry my refuge timetable can't coincide your social calendar.
Jonathan Mardukas:
I don't think she is saying this.
Jack Walsh:
Stay out of this, John.
Gail:
All right, same old, Jack. You get your feeling hurt then you just walk around and hurt everybody else.
Jack Walsh:
You are listening I need lots of your lecture.
Gail:
I'm not lecturing you, stupid. I'm trying to protect you.
Jack Walsh:
Oh, come on.
Gail:
Ted will go home in any minute. We're all going out tonight. This is important night for us.
Jack Walsh:
Important night? What so important about tonight? Wait, let me guess. Pay-off night?
Gail:
All right, that's it. Get out.
Marvin Dorfler:
See you in L.A., Jack!
Jonathan Mardukas:
Why are you so unpopular with the Chicago police department?
Marvin Dorfler:
Are you stand up there with your thumb up your ass or you gonna get me the fuck outta here?
Jonathan Mardukas:
You can't steal a truck !
Jack Walsh:
You were stealing a plane !
Jonathan Mardukas:
See you in the next life, Jack.
[
Jack is hotwiring a truck]
Jonathan Mardukas:
You get it started, and I'll run you over. That's the best plan I can think of.
[
before boarding a plane]
Jonathan Mardukas:
I just wanna tell you that I have fear of flying.
Marvin Dorfler:
Well, why don't you just relax and sleep through it?
[
Marvin punches Jonathan, knocking him out]
Eddie Moscone:
Let's go have some breakfast.
Jack Walsh:
I don't eat breakfast.
Eddie Moscone:
Well, have an early lunch!
Jonathan Mardukas:
All you're leaving is two dollars?
Jack Walsh:
That's fifteen percent.
Jonathan Mardukas:
No, that's thirteen percent!
Jonathan Mardukas:
Ever had sex with an animal, Jack?
Jack Walsh:
No, but I saw some tasty-looking chickens back at that barn over there.
Jack Walsh:
[
into the phone] ... I'm calling to tell you though that you're a dead mother fucker, you understand me?
Jack Walsh:
When have I ever, when have I ever let you down before you fucking rat?
Airline Ticket Clerk:
[
selling a flight ticket to Marvin] Would that be smoker or non-smoker, sir?
Marvin Dorfler:
[
exhaling smoke] Take a wild guess.
Jonathan Mardukas:
You're OK, Jack. I think... under different circumstances you and I probably still would have hated each other!
[
Both laugh loudly]
Jack Walsh:
[
Screaming to Eddie Moscone on the phone] You put Marvin on this case you fuckin' piece of shit? You fucking, deceptive - You VERMIN! You SLIMEBALL in a SEA of PUS!
Jimmy Serrano:
I thought you said this guy was gonna be on the plan.
Tony Darvo:
That's the information we got.
Jimmy Serrano:
That's the information you got. I'm gonna tell you something. I want this guy taken out, and I want him taken out fast. You and that other dummy better start getting more personally involved in your work, or I'm gonna stab you in the heart with a pencil. You got the message.
Jimmy Serrano:
This is it. Tonight is the fucking night. I am tired of all these screw-ups. As soon as I get the discs from Walsh, you guys drop Walsh and then you drop the Duke. You understand? I get the discs, you drop them.
[
after Agent Moseley steals his cigarettes - again]
Marvin Dorfler:
Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us.
Marvin Dorfler:
Hey, scumback?
Carmine:
The name is 'Carmine', fucko.
Marvin Dorfler:
Yeah? Well, Carmine, today is your lucky day!
Jonathan Mardukas:
That whole fuckin' department was corrupt!
Jonathan Mardukas:
There's good and bad everywhere, don't you think?
Jack Walsh:
Eh, well, I'd say there's bad everywhere. Good I don't know about.
Jonathan Mardukas:
You have two emotions, silence and rage.
Marvin Dorfler:
[
after Mosely takes his cigarettes for the second time] Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us.
Marvin Dorfler:
[
in handcuffs] Deal, what deal? Why does he get special treatment?
Jack Walsh:
See you in L.A. Marvin.
Marvin Dorfler:
Yeah, well watch your cigarettes with this guy, Jack!
Jonathan Mardukas:
You ever had sex with an animal Jack? Remember those chickens on the Indian reservation? There were some good looking chickens there Jack. You know, between us...
Jack Walsh:
Yeah, there were a couple there I wouldn't mind taking a shot at.
[
both laugh heartily]
Eddie Moscone:
If you bring him in, I'll give you what I'm giving Walsh.
Marvin Dorfler:
Yeah, what's that?
Eddie Moscone:
Twenty-five thousand. But you gotta bring him in before Friday midnight or the deal's off!
Marvin Dorfler:
Don't worry, Eddie. For twenty-five grand I'll bring him in on a silver platter!
Eddie Moscone:
Bring him in any way you want, just bring him!
Jack Walsh:
Oh Marvin, you did it this time!
Marvin Dorfler:
What the fuck are you talking about?
Jack Walsh:
Those were hired killers back there!
Marvin Dorfler:
Hired to kill who?
Jack Walsh:
[
pointing to Mardukas] Hired to kill this guy!
Jonathan Mardukas:
Me! Me, can you believe it?
Marvin Dorfler:
Hired by who?
Jack Walsh:
Hired by who? Jimmy Serrano, that's who!
Marvin Dorfler:
Oh, fuck! Why they wanna kill this guy?
Jack Walsh:
Don't you read the papers, knucklehead?
Marvin Dorfler:
Yeah, I read the fuckin' papers!
Jonathan Mardukas:
I can't take this.
Jonathan Mardukas:
[
as Jack is stealing a truck] I don't like this. I don't like anything you do, to tell you the truth. Nothing.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Tall? About 6 feet?
Red Wood:
Six five.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Dark hair?
Red Wood:
Light hair.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Yup. Sounds like our guy.
Eddie Moscone:
I'm goin' over to Chen Lu's for breakfast, I'll talk to you about it over there.
Jack Walsh:
Can I get my money first?
Eddie Moscone:
Of course. What, do you think I was gonna try to stiff you?
Jack Walsh:
You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.
Eddie Moscone:
Do I detect some kind of sarcasm here?
Jack Walsh:
Never.
Eddie Moscone:
Where have I inherited this reputation? I have never done business with anybody, and Jerry is my witness, that I have ever, ever, ever... has that phone ever rang... has that phone ever rang with a complaint about me? Never... Never! So let's go, I'll buy you some breakfast.
Eddie Moscone:
Let's go, I'll buy you some breakfast.
Jack Walsh:
I don't eat breakfast.
Eddie Moscone:
Well then have an early lunch... !
Jack Walsh:
Are you gonna propose to me?
Joey:
Propose?
Jack Walsh:
Propose! Because if you're not, don't keep starin' at me!
Jonathan Mardukas:
You don't look like an FBI agent to me.
Jack Walsh:
Well, you don't look like a duke to me.
Jimmy Serrano:
Sidney, have a cream soda. Everything's gonna be over in a few minutes.
Jonathan Mardukas:
Come on, cigarettes are killers.
Jack Walsh:
So are women.
Airline Pilot:
Can I help you guys?
Alonzo Mosely:
Special Agent Mosely, FBI.
Airline Pilot:
Are all you guys named "Mosely"?
Alonzo Mosely:
Where's Jack Walsh?
Train Porter:
He got off with the other guy - - two or three stops ago. His real name's "Mosely".
Alonzo Mosely:
[
shouting in a sudden frustrated outburst] I'M Mosely!
Jack Walsh:
We are getting off here, Mr. Railroad Man!
Related Links
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