College Girl:
I'm so lonely!
Daryl:
How could a righteous babe like you be lonely?
College Girl:
That's the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me!
Daryl:
Really?
College Girl:
Wanna go to bed?
Chris:
Don't worry. We'll get home. This has all just been a big mistake.
Sarah:
What about Brenda?
Brad:
That was her parents' mistake.
Brad:
Daryl, why are you hugging me?
Daryl:
Brad don't you ever die on me! Ever!
Brad:
O.K. I won't.
Chris:
[
to Joe Gipp] Sir. Would you please take us to the next corner, and drop us off?
Joe Gipp:
[
chuckling] In this neighborhood? Hey... I wouldn't even get out of the car in this neighborhood.
Brad:
Could you drop us off at the nearest mall?
Joe Gipp:
A mall? Where y'all think we're at, Boise, Idaho? Shooo!
Albert Collins:
Nobody leaves this place without singing the blues.
Gang Leader:
Don't fuck with the Lords of Hell.
Chris:
Don't fuck with the babysitter.
Brad:
Where we gonna get 50 bucks?
Sarah:
We could sell Daryl. Ya' think?
Dr. Nuhkbane:
There you are, one stitch, all better.
Brad:
One stitch?
Dr. Nuhkbane:
Oh, yes, one stitch.
Brad:
My only shot at ever being in a gang fight and all I get is one stitch? Chris is gonna think I'm a total failure!
Chris:
Who was at the door?
Brad:
Stray dog.
Chris:
I don't think your parents will ever ask me to babysit again.
Brad:
If they do, I'd ask them for a buck more an hour.
Chris:
Just relax, Chris, tonight is going to be the greatest night of your life.
Chris:
Now boys, if either of you give me any grief I swear to God I'll kill you. Dead, murdered, stabbed.
Daryl:
Raped?
Chris:
I'm too old for this crap.
Daryl:
Don't touch it! It could get infected, Jesus! He could get anything - Tetanus, rabies, scabies, emphysema!
[
Brenda has been at the bus station downtown for so long, she's starving. She tentatively approaches a hot dog vendor]
Brenda:
Uh, those are hot dogs, right?
Hot Dog Vendor:
Yeah, want one?
Brenda:
Mmm, yeah I'd love one.
Hot Dog Vendor:
That'll be two bucks.
Hot Dog Vendor:
[
Brenda hands him a check, he stares incredulously] A check?
Brenda:
Yeah, but it's a good check. See, Chris' mom wrote it to Chris 'cause Chris bought her something, I can't remember what. Then I bought Chris some press-on nails, I gave Chris the difference, and she wrote the check over to me. So I'll write the check over to you, you keep the difference, and I'll take the hot dog. So, you got a pen?
Hot Dog Vendor:
Get outta here!
Brenda:
Wait! I'm starving, you'd rather throw it away than give it to me?
Hot Dog Vendor:
I work on a cash-only basis.
Brenda:
But it's a perfectly good check!
Hot Dog Vendor:
No! I'll make it very clear. you slip me the cash, and I'll slip you the wiener.
Brenda:
But I don't have any cash!
Hot Dog Vendor:
Then I don't have a wiener!
[
in a telephone booth in the bus station]
Brenda:
Chris I'm begging you, it's really scary here. I've just seen three people shoot up, a bald Chinese lady with no pants on, and there's this old guy outside who wants his bedroom slippers!
Old Man:
[
banging on telephone booth] Get out of my house!
Brenda:
[
kicks out a small box and the guy's slippers] You just moved!
Mike:
Girls like you come along once in a lifetime.
Brad:
Uh... where's the spare?
Daryl:
Maybe it's on the car... ya think?
Chris:
What do you want?
John Pruitt:
I just want to help you.
Daryl:
Don't listen to him, he just wants to scrape our faces off.
Chris:
[
to Joe Gipp] Where are we going?
Daryl:
To hell! Kind of exciting, don'tcha think?
Brad:
[
to Mike] You're such a loser.
Daryl:
Here we go again...
Brad:
I can only dream about having somebody like Chris as a girlfriend... but you've got her... and you treat her like this?
Mike:
Don't waste your time, half pint. Her legs are locked together at the knee.
Brad:
[
grabs him by the collar] I'd love to hit you... I'd love to pound on your face!
Mike:
Yeah? Go ahead.
Brad:
But I won't. You're so slimy, I won't sink to your level.
Daryl:
I will.
[
kicks Mike]
Brad:
[
about Daryl] Why do I get this funny feeling we're never going to see him again?
Brad:
I just think you should give other guys a chance.
Chris:
Like who?
Sarah:
Don't say it... don't say it!
Brad:
Like me?
[
Chris laughs]
Brad:
What's so funny?
Chris:
Well, it's just that... you're just a child.
Brad:
And you're just a girl in love with an asshole.
Chris:
Brad...
Brad:
Forget it!
Daryl:
The chick is losing it.
Chris:
I am not!
Sarah:
[
to Daryl and Brad] You guys want some candy?
[
Brad takes the chocolate bar from Sarah. Chris turns and knocks the candy bar from his hands]
Chris:
Brad, no chocolate! Your acne! Sarah. It is time for your cough syrup... Daryl, fasten the seat belt!
Sarah:
She's definitely losing it.
Chris:
I am not losing anything, I am still in control here! Got it?
Janitor #1:
Put the animal down.
Brenda:
Why?
Janitor #2:
We gotta kill it!
Brenda:
[
shocked] What? You monsters! Why would you want to kill a poor defenseless little kitten?
Janitor #2:
Kitten?
[
both janitors start laughing loudly]
Janitor #1:
This ain't no kitten, kid.
Janitor #2:
That's a jumbo-sized sewer rat!
[
camera goes down to see that they are right, and Brenda screams hysterically]
Daryl:
Did you steal all of these cars?
Joe Gipp:
Yeah. It gets me some good money.
Daryl:
Isn't it kinda dangerous?
Joe Gipp:
Hey, I like danger, all right?
Chris:
You should try baby-sitting.
Daryl:
Brad, you wouldn't believe what that girl would do for twenty bucks!
John Pruitt:
Good luck Babysitter!
Chris:
You too Mr. Pruitt!
Daryl:
What are you doing? I'm trying to get a date, you're cramping my style!
Chris:
She's too old for you.
Teenage Runaway:
Oh, and you're not.
Chris:
Well I'm his babysitter.
Teenage Runaway:
How old are you?
Chris:
17.
Teenage Runaway:
Me too.
Chris:
You're 17? What are you doing on the street?
Teenage Runaway:
I ran away from home.
Chris:
[
remembering why they came into the city in the first place] BRENDA!
Dan Lynch:
[
two drunk guys approach Chris asking her to sign their copy of Playboy because she bears a striking resemblance to Miss March aka Chaylene] ... Shes not Chaylene. Think about it... Do you honestly think a Playboy centerfold would have nothing better to do on a night like this than show up at a Kappa party with a bunch of kids?
Drunk at Party:
...Yea.
Dan Lynch:
Where is your brain?
Daryl:
This is weird.
Chris:
You're weird.
Daryl:
HAHAHAHAHA!
Dan Lynch:
[
two drunk guys approach Chris asking her to sign their copy of Playboy because she bears a striking resemblance to Miss March aka Chaylene] ... Shes not Chaylene. Think about it... Do you honestly think a Playboy centerfold would have nothing better to do on a night like this than show up at a Kappa party with a bunch of kids?
Drunk at Party:
...Yea.
Dan Lynch:
Where is your brain?
Chris:
What should I do?
Sarah:
Get in the car and run him over.
Nurse:
Dr. Nuhkbane, the guy with the stab wounds just died.
Dr. Nuhkbane:
Oh dear.
Chris:
Oh, Doctor, we're looking for our friend.
Dr. Nuhkbane:
Your friend? Which one is he?
Chris:
Um, he's the one with the stab wound.
Dr. Nuhkbane:
Oh dear.
Chris:
What?
Dr. Nuhkbane:
I'm sorry. Your friend is dead.
Sarah:
Dead?
Daryl:
Dead?
Chris:
Dead?
[
Chris faints]
Daryl:
You gotta be shittin me.
Chris:
Watch your mouth!
Daryl:
Watch my mouth? You gotta be shittin me!
Chris:
So, when the babysitter looked more closely at the kids, she saw that... THEY HAD NO FACES!
Sarah:
Oh my God!
Chris:
Just a pool of mushy goo!
Sarah:
Like spaghetti-O's?
Chris:
Spaghetti-O's with meat!
Sarah:
[
Trying to convince Chris not to leave her alone with Brad] What if the house explodes?
Chris:
The house is not going to explode!
Sarah:
You leave him here alone, and it will!
Bleak:
[
responding to Mrs. Anderson at the buffet table, incredulous] Caterer?
Daryl:
Ya think?
Mrs. Parker:
That was Mrs. Anderson, she wants to know if you can babysit tonight.
Chris:
[
sees the look Brenda gives her] No, tell her I can't.
Mrs. Parker:
Why not?
Chris:
Because I want to sit at home and be depressed.
Brenda:
Oh, sit for the Andersons, that'll depress anyone.
Chris:
Mom, I'm too old to babysit.
Old Man:
Get outta my house!
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