Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

John Lithgow: B.Z.

Photos 

Quotes 

• [B.Z. is in court over his dangerous toys which include a flammable doll] 

  Senate Chairman : Well, what do you have to say to that, sir?

  B.Z. : Well, Senator, I've always known that cigarette smoking could be hazardous to your health.

  [laughs] 

  Senate Chairman : This is not a laughing matter, sir! This is a tragedy waiting to happen! You, sir, are a disgrace to your profession!

  B.Z. : Senator, with all due respect...

  Senate Chairman : And I believe THIS toy was advertised as being suitable for three-year-olds.

  [Man picks up teddy bear and rips off the head and tips out contents of sand, nails and broken glass] 

  B.Z. : Senator, I'm even more astonished than you are to see this and I assure you that if these are not isolated examples, I'll make sure they never happen again.

  Senate Chairman : Well, you better do more than that, sir. You better withdraw every B.Z. Toy on the market or I'll personally see to it that your license to manufacture and distribute in the United States is REVOKED!

• B.Z. : What would it cost?

  Patch : Cost? Cost who?

  B.Z. : The people, who, who buy the toy.

  Patch : Well, nothing. We're going to give them away free.

  [B.Z. begins spluttering and his face turns beet red] 

  Patch : Oh! Oh, that's fantastic! How do you turn your face so red so fast?

  B.Z. : FOR FREE?

  Patch : Well, that's how we do it in the North Pole.

  B.Z. : WELL, THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO IT HERE! IN A FREE ENTERPRISE SYSTEM!

• Patch : Don't you believe in Santa Claus?

  B.Z. : Why should I? He never brought me anything.

  Patch : That's because you were probably a naughty boy.

  B.Z. : Yes. I guess I was... no angel.

• B.Z. : When you've got a hit like we have, Patch, the people don't want to wait a whole year, they're dying for a sequel! A sequel. That's it. We'll bring it out on March 25, and we'll call it... Christmas 2!

  Patch : Christmas 2?

• [Towzer has revealed the dangers of the puce lollipop] 

  Towzer : B.Z., this stuff kills people.

  B.Z. : Are you going soft on me?

• Patch : You'll fix it so I can get on the telly... what's-it?

  B.Z. : When?

  Patch : Uh, Christmas Eve.

  B.Z. : How long?

  Patch : Is a minute all right?

  B.Z. : Yeah. What channel?

  Patch : [simply]  Well all of them.

  B.Z. : All of them?

  Patch : Yeah.

  B.Z. : Which country?

  Patch : [simply]  All of them.

  B.Z. : [shocked]  ALL of them?

  Patch : [pleased]  Yes! All the countries, all the channels!

  B.Z. : [incredulous]  That would cost a fortune!

• Towzer : The retailers are pulling our toys off the shelves so fast you'd think they're disease carriers.

  B.Z. : Cowards.

  Towzer : And an article in the Post said that anyone who gives his kid a B.Z. toy ought to have his head examined.

  B.Z. : Swine! Cancel my subscription.

  Towzer : We have to meet a payroll by the end of the month for 2,000 factory workers.

  B.Z. : Commies!

• B.Z. : This stardust, this reindeer cornflakes. What would happen if we were to juice up the formula, make it stronger?

  Patch : Well, it's self-explanatory it would make them fly!