- Sarah Fitzpatrick: Who cuts his hair?
- Gladys Fitzpatrick: What's wrong with his hair?
- Sarah Fitzpatrick: So seventies.
- Girl Joey: Hey! Pick on somebody your own size!
- Piper: Are you a boy or a girl?
- Girl Joey: What difference does that make?
- Piper: Yeah, obviously a girl.
- Whitey: Typical homo. You can't even tell the difference.
- Piper: You guys are so lame.
- Girl Joey: You've got a lot to learn.
- Piper: Yeah,too bad I won't be around here to learn.
- Sister Serena: I hope you realize you're going to eat that, young man. All of it!
- Piper: I'm not hungry.
- 'Chubby': Looks good to me.
- Sister Serena: Can it, Chubby! Piper, eat.
- Sister Serena: Mr.Kurtz, How fresh are those batteries in your cattle prod?
- Mr. Kurtz: I put new ones in this morning, sister. Duracells.
- Sister Serena: Me too.