Curse of the Pink Panther (1983)

Geoffrey Edwards: Aldous

Quotes 

• Aldous : Ladies and gentlemen, after thoroughly searching the records of 13,623,055 candidates, I have come up with your man.

  Michelle Chauvin : It's a man.

  Aldous : From the 11th precinct of the New York City Police Department, I give you - a little drum roll, please...

  [drum roll] 

  Aldous : ...Officer Clifton Sleigh.

• Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Obviously, Mr. President, so as not to limit our choice, I will omit sex, height, weight, race, and nationality. Ready, Aldous?

  Aldous : Ready, Charles.

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Age: 61. Senior officer. IQ...

  [looking closer at his paper, then stifling a giggle] 

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : ...genius. Specialities: judo, kung fu, Okinawan weaponry, karate expert...

  [stifling more laughter] 

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : ...black belt. Expert ma... ma... marksman. Fearless. Courageous. A born leader.

  [laughing so hard, he can't continue] 

  Dave : Is that it, Chief?

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : [still stifling his laughter]  Mm-hmm.

  Dave : Select.

  Aldous : Coming right up.

  President of France : [it hums as it processes]  What is he humming?

  Deputy Commissioner : It sounds like "Moon River"... backwards.

• Dave : A Series 600 Huxley computer. You can program it by voice command, you know. Wait. Observe this. Activate. Aldous?

  Aldous : Ready, Dave.

  Dave : Aldous can even recognize people's voices.

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Hmm. Amazing.

  Aldous : Elementary.

  Dave : Chief Inspector Dreyfus, Sûreté, vital statistics, please.

  Aldous : Coming up, Dave.

  Dave : [it hums as it processes]  What's the delay?

  Aldous : Lots of material.

  Dave : Well, just give me an abbreviated version, then.

  Aldous : All right. Charles Larousse Dreyfus. Born Marseilles April 1, 19...

  Dave : Skip that. Skip that. Uh, what is the subject's present occupation?

  Aldous : Subject's present occupation... chief inspector, criminal division, Sûreté.

  Dave : How's his health?

  Aldous : Last complete physical examination... January 7th, this year. Chronic hypertension. May 1978, suffered nervous breakdown and was committed to the state mental...

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Skip that bit.

• Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : What are the odds that the greatest detective in the world will find Clouseau?

  Aldous : Even money. Take your pick.

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Well, aren't you being slightly optimistic?

  Aldous : Not at all. Why? Are you afraid he'll drive you crazy again?

  Dave : Cool it, Aldous.

  Aldous : Just responding with an obvious observation. I hope I didn't offend you, Inspector Dreyfus.

  Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus : Not at all. By the way, it's Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

  Dave : Shame on you, Aldous.

  Aldous : Nobody's perfect. Have a happy day.