Memorable quotes for
Battle Beyond the Stars (1980) More at IMDbPro »

[to Nestor]
Cowboy: I'm from Earth. Ever hear of it?

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[to Gelt]
Cowboy: I'm from Earth. Know where that is?

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Cowboy: [upon seeing Gelt] Well, Shad, who's this?
Shad: Do you want your name used?
Gelt: My name is Gelt.
Cowboy: Howdy, Gelt. I'm from Earth. Know where that is?
Gelt: I was born in space.
Cowboy: Okay, well, just know that I've always got your back.
Gelt: Nobody goes behind me!
Cowboy: Oh, you keep a tail light on, huh?

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Cowboy: [after seeing Gelt blast a ship] Ha, ha! I love watching a pro work!

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Nell: 30 seconds and counting, Zed. 29, 28, 27, 24, 15, 22... did I... did I say 15?

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Nestor 1: [eating a hot dog for the first time] There's no dog in this.
Cowboy: Uh-uh.
Nestor 1: Hydrolyzed vegetable protein, soybean meal, niacin, dextrose, and sodium nitrate flavoring.
Cowboy: Yup, that's what we call "meat" back home/

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Shad: [after Gelt dies] Prepare a meal
unknown (extra): A meal, sir?
Shad: Full course. Bury it with him.
unknown (extra): Bury it?
Shad: That was our arrangement. A meal and a place to hide.

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[after Shad and Company have arrived on Akir]
Cayman of the Lambda Zone: HAIL THE CONQUERING HEROES!
Shad: I'm sorry; they must be afraid.
Cayman of the Lambda Zone: Afraid of what?
Shad: All of you. They're not accustomed to violence, or to violent forms.
Saint-Exmin: That's a hell of a note!

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[as "Hammerhead," Sador's dreadnaught, is approaching Akir]
Yago: This is Akir, a planet of stone with a single green spot.
Sador: Let's see it. What about their forms?
Yago: Comparable with ours. They have a solar technology. No known defense capacity.
Sador: Interesting. Let's check that...
[to Shad and the other Akira]
Sador: ...
[shouts]
Sador: Hear me, beings of Akir. I am Sador of the Malmori. I have come with my forces to conquer you. If you resist, I will crush you. I possess a stellar converter, the most powerful weapon in the universe. You cannot resist me. I want your planet to be my colony. Your harvest comes in seven risings of your red giant. I shall return then, and you will accept me as your master. If you do not submit, your planet and all life on it will be burned to ash...
[shouts]
Sador: You are mine.

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[Saint-Exmin has bested Shad and Nell in a dogfight]
Saint-Exmin: The Valkyrie are great warriors. In our youth we must leave home, and fight in as many battles as possible, until we have proven ourselves.
Shad: Well, you've proven yourself to be a pain in the neck. So why don't you just...
Saint-Exmin: Because, all the same, I wish to join your war against the Malmori.
Shad: [exasperated] My PLANET is in danger, and you're playing TAG with me! Your ship is like a toy; you have no firepower.
Saint-Exmin: It is one of the fastest in the universe.
Shad: Still, the Varda teach us that "swift rain is little rain."
[He breaks it off with her]
Nell: Pretty harsh, weren't you?
Shad: You saw her. She was PLAYING with me.
Nell: Yes... and she WON.

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[in Gelt's lair and treasure chamber]
Shad: I'm hiring mercenaries for defense of the planet Akir. But food and shelter are all we can offer in payment. All our wealth is in our culture.
Gelt: I could buy your planet ten times over with what I've gathered in this room: plutonium, cadmium, quanine crystals... I've been very well paid for my work.
Shad: I'm sorry; I've wasted your time...
Gelt: NO... WAIT... Listen to the rest of it. I sleep with my back to the wall, when I CAN sleep. I EAT SERPENTS, seven times a week. There's not a major city in this galaxy where I can show my face, or spend my wealth. Right now, your offer looks very attractive to me... A meal, and a place to hide. Agreed?

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[Cayman's "Zymer" charges "Hammerhead"]
Cayman of the Lambda Zone: This is Cayman of the Lambda Zone, calling Sador of the Malmori. Turn around, you over-aged de-generate, and we'll bump heads!
Sador: ...Of what form are you, Cayman?
Cayman of the Lambda Zone: I am of the Lazuli.
Sador: I thought I had the honor of making that form extinct, long ago! I won't fail this time! HERE I COME, CAYMAN OF THE LAZULI!

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[in "Hammerhead's" "Sick Bay"]
Sador: Are you capable of speech?
Nestor 2: Yes, quite capable.
Sador: And do you have a high tolerance for pain?
Nestor 2: Almost none at all, I'm afraid.
Sador: How unfortunate for you. So... How many ships do the Akira have, and what are their capabilities?
Nestor 2: If I told you that, it would give you an unfair advantage.
Sador: This is Frojo, my Third Officer. Frojo is expert at inflicting pain... while keeping the victim alive.
Nestor 2: ...It's good to have skills.

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[after a dogfight against the Malmori]
Saint-Exmin: Shad, did you see me on the monitor? There was a fighter right on my tail... I pulled up... and smashed him into an asteroid!
Shad: [grimly] I'm glad this is so much fun for you. These aren't YOUR people we're fighting for.
Saint-Exmin: It's not that I don't empathize; That's the Valkyrie Creed: "Live fast, fight well and have a beautiful ending."
Shad: [looking her in the eyes] NO VIOLENT DEATH IS BEAUTIFUL!
Saint-Exmin: [smiling] You've never seen a Valkyrie go down...

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[as Kalo suddenly breaks off their pursuit of Nell and Shad]
Tembo: Why are we slowing down?
Kalo: Orders were to guard the planet.
Tembo: To hell with orders! I want that ship!
Kalo: Remember Bilko? He disobeyed orders, and now Lord Sador's wearing HIS FOOT!
Tembo: Right... Maybe we'd better go back.

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[after "Hammerhead" wings Gelt]
Shad: Gelt! Are you okay?
Gelt: [just prior to force-landing back on Akir] That remains to be seen, Shad. Have a nice fight!

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Yago: [carrying a bag of ashes] Our emissary has returned from Umateal. They have replied to our ultimatum.
Sador: ...And?
[Yago hands him the bag; he examines the contents]
Sador: ... What's this?
Yago: It WAS our emissary, sir. They have... That is their reply to our ultimatum.
[Sador throws the bag in a rage, just missing him]
Yago: ... Obviously, they are a proud form.
Sador: In an hour they'll be an EXTINCT one. There'll not be a trace of them left... Not even their dust.

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[Nestor explains why "he" would like to participate in the Malmor-Akir War]
Nestor 1: You see... There is only one Nestor, one consciousness. As you might imagine, this has proven very lonely and very dull. We must avoid becoming... we believe you have a phrase for it... becoming "bored to death."

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[Shad can't bring himself to shoot down Kalo and Tembo's Malmori warship]
Shad: Can we outrun them?
Nell: We sure as hell can't OUTFIGHT them, not with YOU in the driver's seat...!
[And after they've escaped]
Nell: ... Turning my backside to those Malmori S.O.B.s! I can't believe it! You got no BACKBONE, kid! When Zed was your age...
Shad: My job is ONLY to find mercenaries. And I'm NOT Zed.
Nell: I'll say; Not even a pale imitation.
Shad: [insulted] You know, I thought I did pretty well back there; YOU'RE still in one piece, aren't you?
Nell: Oh, sure; If they ever start giving out prizes for running away, YOU'LL be Champion of the Universe!

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["Hammerhead" returns to Akir but cannot find Kalo and Tembo]
Sador: Could we POSSIBLY be out of range?
Yago: Not at all, Sir. Something must be wrong...
Sador: [disgusted] What's WRONG is that I have an army full of GENETIC MISTAKES! Why can't my minions be sophisticated or intelligent, like... well, like ME?
Yago: Well, you can't expect ALL of us to measure up to YOU, Sir.
Sador: Oh, don't flatter me!... Those two probably slammed their ship into an asteriod or something.
Yago: Or they MAY have been shot down.
Sador: Shot down? How? Akir has nothing to put in the air!
Yago: Perhaps somebody came to help...
Sador: Would YOU help AKIR against ME? Surely no one would do anything so stupid. Not even Kalo and Tembo!

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Shad: [after being beamed aboard Nestor's ship] Okay, what's the big idea?
[All 5 Nestors turn to face him]
Shad: Don't everybody talk at once!
[When none of the Nestors speak up, he draws his handgun]
Shad: Listen, if I don't get some answers FAST, I'm gonna have to use this thing!
[Nestor causes his own gun-hand to turn on him, aiming at his own head; he vainly attempts to wrench it away]
Shad: ... Let me rephrase that.
Nestor 1: [upon releasing Shad] You are not of a violent form. We sensed that you did not intend to shoot.
Shad: You read my mind?
Nestor 1: Among other things.

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Cayman of the Lambda Zone: [upon meeting Shad for the first time] I'm only in this battle for Sador. I want his head.
Shad: ...Well, you're welcome to it.

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[Tembo and Kalo are monitoring an Akira wedding below]
Tembo: Just look at her, Kalo!
Kalo: We were ordered to guard this planet, remember?
Tembo: Where's it gonna go? Come on, let's do it!
Kalo: That would make you happy, wouldn't it? What the hell, they're only Akira!
[They beam up the hapless bride; Later, when Shad arrives with the Mercenaries]
Kalo: ... Tembo! Come on up here!
Tembo: [laughing] I'm busy.
Kalo: FORGET ABOUT HER! We've got seven unidentified objects on the monitor!
Tembo: SEVEN OF THEM? What do you think we should do?
Kalo: I don't know... Run away?
Tembo: GOOD IDEA!
[then, as they're being pursued]
Tembo: Faster! It's gaining on us!
Kalo: It can't be! We're already at full thrust!
Tembo: Then turn around and face it, I'll try and shoot it down!
Kalo: That's crazy, we don't even know what it is!

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Akira Governor: We live by the Varda; the Varda is not to fight. The Akira haven't fought for centuries!
Shad: The Varda teach us that each form has its function.
Dr. Hephaestus: Forms must prey on other forms.
Shad: That's not what the Varda teach us. We prey on nobody.
Nell: The Varda say we can take life to save life.
Nell: If it can't hurt you, forget about it. That's what the Varda say.
Shad: [to St. Exmin] The Varda teach us that swift rain is little rain.
Lux: [to the Mercenaries] The Varda teach us to trust first and judge later.
Shad: The First Law of the Varda is to use greater strength/force against itself.
Shad: The Varda teach us that no life-force is ended until all the lives that it has touched have ended, until all the good that it has done is gone.

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Nanelia: ...It's a Malmori Sonic Tank. They're wearing sound vests in case they get in front of it. Even if we plug our ears, we can't get close enough to take it out.
Cowboy: [to the nearby Kelvin, who are trying to get his attention] Will you two radiators stand back? It's hard enough to think!
Nestor 1: It seems they're volunteering.
Cowboy: What can THEY do?
Nestor 1: For one thing, the Kelvin HAVE NO EARS.

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Sador: No life ends until all the lives that it has touched are ended; until all the good that it has done is gone.

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