California Split (1974)
Elliott Gould: Charlie Waters
Photos
Quotes
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Charlie Waters : If it takes a watermelon five minutes to water. How long does it take a sweetpea to pee? As long as it takes a pair of dice to crap.
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Charlie Waters : Tapioca time. El busto!
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Charlie Waters : I've seen an elephant walk, but...
Bill Denny , Charlie Waters : I've never seen an elephant fly.
Bill Denny : My God, that Dumbo flew.
Charlie Waters : A lot of black folks said that was bad news, you know, seeing a black crow sing about a big flying elephant. What's that? It's taboo! No black crows.
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Bill Denny : Come on, Valdez! Come on, Valdez!
Charlie Waters : Who's Valdez?
Bill Denny : Valdez is the jockey!
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Bill Denny : [drinking in a bar] $20 says you can't name the seven dwarfs.
Charlie Waters : OK. I know I can name three or four of them.
Bill Denny : Here come seven like a Gatling gun.
Charlie Waters : OK, seven dwarfs, I'm ready.
Bill Denny : Sleepy-Grumpy-Doc...... ..Sleepy-Grumpy-Doc...... ..
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Charlie Waters : This is the truth. You're an animal lover, right? Okay, well, the great blue whale, right? You know about a great blue whale?
Susan Peters : Isn't it that wrestling guy, huh?
Charlie Waters : No, it's a big fish. A big fish. There's only about two or three left in the world. And the truth, the tongue of the great blue whale weighs more than a full-grown African elephant.
Susan Peters : No, it's not true.
Charlie Waters : You don't believe it?
Susan Peters : You're just making it up to make me feel better. 'Cause you don't like to see me cry.
Charlie Waters : You feel a little better?
Susan Peters : Yeah, I do.
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Barbara Miller : Listen, fellows, it's breakfast time. We got Lucky Charms and...
Charlie Waters : What's with this?
Barbara Miller : Froot Loops! .
Charlie Waters : Froot Loops? Have some waffles and...
Bill Denny : I'll just have coffee.
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Charlie Waters : A little razzle-dazzle.
Bill Denny : A lot of dazzle-dazzle.
Charlie Waters : The minstrel man strikes again.
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Charlie Waters : What's your name, honey?
Helen Brown : Brown.
Charlie Waters : Brown, huh?
Helen Brown : Yes, sir.
Charlie Waters : First name?
Helen Brown : Helen.
Charlie Waters : Helen Gurley Brown?
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Bill Denny , Charlie Waters : Captain Midnight!
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Charlie Waters : What's shaking, baby?
Susan Peters : I just want to go to bed.
Barbara Miller : Take your coat off, sweetheart.
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Barbara Miller : Your favorite: Lucky Charms.
Charlie Waters : Hey, baby, can I have a beer, honey? You want a cold beer?
Bill Denny : No. No, thanks.
Charlie Waters : It goes good with your Froot Loops!
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Charlie Waters : Come on, now, you're starting to get that Halloween look on your face.
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Charlie Waters : Listen, you let a man rub some hot shaving cream on your ribs... you can take a shot with him at the track.
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Charlie Waters : I don't care how old you are. Right in the choppers, lady.
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Charlie Waters : Packing it all up and moving to Europe to paint, huh?
Bill Denny : Yeah. I'm going to Reno.
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Charlie Waters : Stack 'em up. Call Howard Hughes and tell him we're gonna break his bank, too.
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Charlie Waters : I got a cherry. I got two cherries. Excuse me. I got two cherries and nothing happened.
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Charlie Waters : Reno, that game. It sounds like a tough game, tough action, William, with a lot of these lumberjacks going up there. Cowboys, rich guys. Tough action, William. It's a tough game.
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Charlie Waters : You want to bet a Milky Way. You're liable to get hungry.
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Charlie Waters : You ever been in jail in New York? They give you powdered eggs. Powdered, shitty - the shittiest food in the world. I can't believe you haven't been in jail.
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Charlie Waters : Hey Andy, give my friend here a beer.
Bill Denny : Hey Andy, you wanna give my friend here another beer?
Charlie Waters : Give my friend here a beer, will ya?
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Charlie Waters : Tell him you're sending him some Green Stamps.
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Charlie Waters : You want to get to Tijuana, right? El Sweepo. I don't win one *fucking* race.
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Charlie Waters : You weren't in the dream, William. My parrot was in the dream, though. It was a hell of a handicap. He said, "Bet number four. Number four. Polly want a four." He doesn't eat nothing, doesn't dirty nothing.
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Charlie Waters : You creep, you stick a little toilet paper in your nose, it stops the bleeding.
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Charlie Waters : I got to have a drink. Give me a double Scotch, will you? I'm beginning to feel the pressure.
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Charlie Waters : I feel like a winner, but I know I look like a loser. We busted? We got anything left? What's up in that game?
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Charlie Waters : I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get a suite, here. We'll get a couple of outfits, some new clothes. Maybe we'll hit the old Mustang Ranch, right? You and me get a couple of little ladies. Have a ball, right? Then maybe we'll come down, go to Vegas, hire a limousine, get a driver, hit every track in the world. Right?
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Charlie Waters : Eight. Eight. Eight. Give me a pair of fours, now. A pair of fours and I'll shit in my drawers. Put your money on double four, lady. This man's going all the way. Eight!
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Charlie Waters : Do you always take a big win this hard?
Bill Denny : Charlie, there was no special feeling in it. I just said there was.
Charlie Waters : Yeah, I know that. Everybody knows that.
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Charlie Waters : [after splitting their winnings] Don't mean a fucking thing, does it?
Bill Denny : I have to go home.
Charlie Waters : Oh yeah, where do you live?
Bill Denny : I'll see ya.