- Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Mike Nesmith, Peter Tork: [chanting in unison] Hey, hey, we are The Monkees, to that we all agree. A manufactured image with no philosophies.
- Testy True: [holding out her snakebitten finger] Quick! Suck it before the venom reaches my heart.
- Mike Nesmith: WHAT heart?
- Swami: We were speaking of belief, beliefs and conditioning. All belief possibly could be said to be the result of some conditioning. Thus, the study of history is simply the study of one system of beliefs deposing another, and so on and so on and so on... A psychologically tested belief of our time is that the central nervous system, which feeds its impulses directly to the brain, the conscious and subconscious, is unable to discern between the real and the vividly imagined experience. If there is a difference, and most of us believe there is - am I being clear? For to examine these concepts requires tremendous energy and discipline. To allow the unknown to occur and to occur requires clarity. And where there is clarity there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should anyone listen to me? Why should I speak, since I know nothing?
- Extra: How's about some more steam?
- Peter Tork: We were talking with the Master regarding the nature of conceptual reality. Psychologically speaking, the human mind or brain or whatever, is almost incapable of distinguishing between the real and the vividly imagined experience. Sound and film and music and radio. Even these manipulative experiences are received more or less directly and uninterpretive by the mind. They are cataloged and recorded and either acted upon directly, or stored in the memory, or both. Now this process, unless we pay it tremendous attention, begins to separate us from the reality of the now. Am I being clear? For we must allow the reality of the now to just happen, as it happens. Observe and act with clarity. For where there is clarity, there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should I speak, since I know nothing?
- Davy Jones: Nothing? You know nothing?
- Peter Tork: That's right.
- Davy Jones: You mean to tell me we've been here sitting listening to you and you know nothing?
- Peter Tork: Everybody's where they wanna be.
- Micky Dolenz: That is a particularly inept thing to say, Peter, considering that we are in a vacuum cleaner.
- Micky Dolenz: We told you a hundred times, good officer, sir, we last saw him inside the john... er... comfort room.
- Mrs Ace: [patronizing Micky] Are you still paying tribute to Ringo Starr?
- Micky Dolenz: Would you like a pinch in the mouth?
- Mrs Ace: I'll think about it.
- Micky Dolenz: Don't hurt yourself.
- Interviewee: Are you telling me that you don't see the connection between government and laughing at people?
- Inspector Shrink: Pleasure - the inevitable byproduct of our civilization. A new world - the only preoccupation will be: how to amuse itself. The tragedy of *your* time, my young friends, is that you may get exactly what you want.
- Micky's conscience: Pathetic!
- Micky Dolenz: I can't...
- Micky's conscience: It's pitiful!
- Micky Dolenz: Shut up.
- Micky's conscience: You shut up.
- Micky Dolenz: No, YOU shut up!
- Micky's conscience: YOU shut up!
- Micky Dolenz: Shut up!
- Micky's conscience: You!
- Micky Dolenz: [completely losing his temper] SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPYOOOOUUUUU!
- Micky's conscience: Okay, I will!
- [total silence]
- Mike Nesmith: [Mike holds an enormous marijuana cigarette stub he has just found and laughs] This is not one of your standard brands.
- Micky Dolenz: Oh, an El Zoomo!
- Mike Nesmith: What's the matter with her?
- Micky Dolenz: [Micky begins kicking a prostrate, apparently dead Testy] Come on, get up.
- Testy True: Hey, what is this?
- Micky Dolenz: Come on, get up, you're not dead.
- Testy True: Well, stop kicking me!
- Micky Dolenz: Aw, I don't wanna do this anymore, man.
- [he is shot in the stomach with two arrows, which he ignores]
- Micky Dolenz: All these fake arrows and the fake trees. Bob, I'm through!
- Mike Nesmith: Hey... well, Micky...
- Micky Dolenz: Let's get going, man.
- [grumbles to himself as he tears a hole in the painted backdrop and walks off the set through it]
- Davy Jones: [choosing Sonny Liston to box against] Great, I'll have a go at him. You won't hurt my face, will ya? Million dollar head, this.
- Mike Nesmith: [ordering at the studio commissary] I'll have a finger sandwich, hold the mold.
- Davy Jones: And, uh, I'd like a glass of cold gravy with a hair in it, please.
- Mrs Ace: [sarcastically] One of your own?
- Voice in the desert: Quiet, isn't it, George Michael Dolenz? I SAID: QUIET, ISN'T IT, George Michael Dolenz!
- Davy Jones: Psst! Hey, c'mere. Now, this is serious. Whaddya say you and me go someplace where we won't bump into each other again?
- Davy Jones: [the Monkees are in a trench in a World War II film] I can't see, it's too deep!
- Micky Dolenz: What you say?
- Davy Jones: I said I can't see, it's too deep. I gotta have a boost or something.
- Mike Nesmith: Here, you can stand on my helmet. It's too heavy, I don't want to wear it, it's a drag, it presses down on my head.
- Peter Tork: You really ought to wear your helmet, Micky.
- Mike Nesmith: All right, need a volunteer, we're out of ammo.
- Peter Tork: I'll go.
- Mike Nesmith: See that you do.
- Peter Tork: It's all right, Davy, there's nothing wrong.
- Davy Jones: Nothing wrong, huh?
- Peter Tork: That's right, I came here to tell you, man, that everything...
- Davy Jones: You know what I saw in there?
- Peter Tork: Yes.
- Davy Jones: An eye, man, an eye, this big, blood red, it was as clear as the nose on your face, it was looking at me.
- Peter Tork: Peace, David, I know.
- Peter Tork: Hey, Mike, son of a gun, a millionaire at 25.
- Mike Nesmith: Ask me how does it feel.
- Peter Tork: What?
- Mike Nesmith: Ask me how does it feel.
- Peter Tork: How does it feel?
- Mike Nesmith: I'll tell you how it feels. I don't like it, that's how it feels! I don't like surprises, I don't like all these people jumping around and shouting, why - I don't even wanna HEAR what you're saying! Because you know what you're saying to me? You're saying "Happy Birthday" and you're jumping out of the walls and it's scaring me to death, and I'm supposed to be HAPPY about that?
- Micky Dolenz: Aww, come on, Mike. Be a good sport.
- Mike Nesmith: Well, WHO NEEDS IT? Who needs surprises and pajamas? You want to throw a birthday party, you don't kidnap me, you send me an invitation. Besides, I probably would have been happier where I was, sleeping. 'Happy Birthday'... HAH!
- [an embarrassed murmur from the party guests]
- Mike Nesmith: And I'll tell you something else too: the same thing goes for Christmas.
- [shocked gasps from the guests]
- Mike Nesmith: Well, how 'bout THEM apples!
- Micky Dolenz: [watching Davy in the boxing ring] Stay down, dummy!
- Mike Nesmith: You're the dummy.
- Micky Dolenz: Nah. No-no. He's the dummy.
- Mike Nesmith: You're the dummy.
- Micky Dolenz: No! No-no! He's the dummy!
- Mike Nesmith: *You* are the dummy! Dummy!
- Micky Dolenz: No, he's the dummy! I'm not the dummy.
- Mike Nesmith: Okay. You think they call us plastic now, babe, but wait 'til I get through telling them how we do it.
- Micky Dolenz: C'mon, let's get outta this nightclub!
- Mrs Ace: But what about the food?
- Mike Nesmith: Have it cleaned and burned!
- Peter Tork: MICKY! Micky! Micky! I'm the dummy, Micky. I'm always the dummy.
- Micky Dolenz: You're right, Pete. You're always the dummy. I forgot. I'm sorry. Sorry. You're always the dummy, Pete. I'm sorry, sorry...
- The Jumper: [threatening to jump off a tall building] I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! I swear I'm gonna do it!
- Micky Dolenz: I say she won't.
- Mike Nesmith: Of course she will! Ten dollars says she will.
- Micky Dolenz: Ten dollars, huh?
- The Jumper: I'm gonna do it!
- Micky Dolenz: [singing] Something doesn't change, There is only one, Always changing inside, What does it become? Can you dig it? Do you know? Would you care to let it show?
- The Critic: You've been working on your dancing, though.
- Davy Jones: Oh, yeah, yeah. I've been rehearsing it lately. You noticed that.
- The Critic: Yeah, it doesn't leave you much time for your music. You should spend more time on it, because the youth of America depends on you to show the way.
- Mrs Ace: Changing your image, darling? While you're at it, why don't you have them write you some talent?
- Cow: Monkees are the cwaziest peoples!
- Heraldic Messenger: [Peter opens the door to find a heraldic messenger holding a pretty girl on a chain] Oh, oh, dear, I got a wire for a Monkee.
- Peter Tork: Thank you.
- Heraldic Messenger: It's, uh, it was nothing.
- Peter Tork: Oh, I wouldn't say that. We all have loved ones, you know.
- [the heraldic messenger cackles as he leads the pretty girl away on her chain]
- Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Mike Nesmith, Peter Tork: [chanting in unison] Hey, hey, we are The Monkees, we've said it all before. The money's in, we're made of tin, we're here to give you more, the money's in, we're made of tin, we're here to give you...
- Peter Tork: It's not right. No, Bob, it's for the image, man. Think of it - the kids aren't going to dig it, man. Me hitting a girl. Especially the way I feel about violence and all that stuff, you know.
- Mike Nesmith: [singing] Hamilton, Smiling down, Telling more, Than before, And it looks like we've made it once again, Yes, it looks like we've made it to the end.
- Lord High'N'Low: Anyway, the idea is this: byproducts. Imagine Italians. Blonde wigs for kids! Swords! The whole phallic thing is happening! I mean, why don't we use CLASSIC things? MILLIONS, I'm telling you, MILLIONS!
- Micky Dolenz: Hey, what's wrong?
- Peter Tork: [sadly staring at the melting ice cream cone in his hand] What's wrong with YOU?
- Micky Dolenz: I asked you first.
- Peter Tork: I ordered this, and I don't want it.
- Micky Dolenz: Throw it out.
- Peter Tork: I can't. There are...
- Micky Dolenz, Peter Tork: ...starving Chinese.
- Trailer voiceover: That's it... 'Head' is everything... 'Head': for general audiences.