Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
[
as Matt Helm and Suzie are being shot at by French cops] That's the French for you. They don't think any girl is innocent.
Suzie Solaris:
[
as they're being picked up by helicopter, Suzie pulls down Matt's pants to reveal his shorts] Polka dot shorts?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
It's the only way to fly.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
[
after a bomb has blown up near a picture of Frank Sinatra] Sorry Frank.
Julian Wall:
Men of good will have done a perfectly dreadful job of running the world. Perhaps it's time for a change. Admit it, I can't do much worse.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Oh, I think you can. I have faith in you.
Julian Wall:
[
answering one of Coco's taunts] You can be such an angel. And I may arrange it.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
[
under arrest by the French police] Now, wait just a doggone minute. I have some rights, too. I'm an American citizen.
Police Capt. Deveraux:
We will play the Star-Spangled Banner while you are in the electric chair.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Ahhhh - then I have to stand up!
Slaygirl:
We're here if you need us.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
I got the wife with me!
Julian Wall:
Well gentlemen, the dream has come true.
[
snickers]
Julian Wall:
And not just for Republicans. We will control the most powerful bomb in the universe: the sun!
Julian Wall:
[
hands over some photographs] These gentlemen have ceased to amuse me. Still their voices forever.
Ironhead:
What?
Julian Wall:
Kill them!
Matt Helm:
[
shooting part of a spread for Slaymate magazine] I want to catch you right near Dulluth.
Miss January:
Why, that's my best feature!
Miss January:
Well what shall I do with the costume?
Matt Helm:
Drop it in the ashtray.
MacDonald:
[
about Big O] Matt, they can brainwash a vacuum cleaner.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
This is dancing?
Suzie Solaris:
It's called a discotheque. You want to try?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Well, I don't disc...
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
[
having dispatched of Ironhead] I hate a guy that wears jewelry.
Coco Duquette:
Come along, Julian. Maybe we can find somebody for you to run over on the way home.
Billy Orcutt:
I demand an explanation. What is the meaning of this nocturnal assignation?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Is he rehearsing for a play?
Julian Wall:
Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't drop you to the ground?
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Certainly, I'll get killed.
Julian Wall:
Don't kill him until we find out who he is. We don't want to kill a perfect stranger.
Ironhead:
Nobody's perfect.
Matt Helm aka Jim Peters:
Just remember, Suzie, nobody dies for nothing. Not me, not your father, nobody.
Matt Helm:
What a way to finish. For a guy that drank booze all his life to end up like a milkshake.
Suzie Solaris:
He's yawing!
Matt Helm:
I don't feel so good myself.
Matt Helm:
[
Suzie is kissing his face all over] Easy, I get a little ticklish west of the Mississippi.
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