- Charlie Griffen: [Boysie Oakes is hiring Charlie Griffen to murder someone for him] Who do you have in mind? Mother in law?
- 'Boysie' Oakes: Aha your little joke, Mr. Griffen.
- Charlie Griffen: It helps sir, it helps.
- Colonel Mostyn: Poor Frances Ann has gone to rest, safe at last on Abraham's breast Which may be rough for Frances Ann...
- 'Boysie' Oakes: ...but certainly sexy for Abraham.
- Colonel Mostyn: That Judas! The conceited, slippery, ungrateful, treacherous, strutting peacock! Overpaid, over-sexed and over there!
- Martin, codename Fly: Your coffee, sir.
- Colonel Mostyn: Get out!
- Bodelaire Sheriek: Your name is Brian Ian Oakes. You are known by a slightly ridiculous, and, if you forgive me for saying so, but a rather effeminate nickname of 'Boysie'.
- Colonel Mostyn: I would like to remind you that life is not all sex and sunlamps. You start serious training tomorrow. Early.
- Colonel Mostyn: In case the blood is stirring in your lecherous veins, let me tell you rule no. one: spies are not allowed to meet with office birds after hours. Violations of this is punishable with up to ten years imprisonment.
- Colonel Mostyn: If I may propose a toast to 'L'. 'L' is your official identification.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: 'L'. Does that stand for anything in particular?
- Colonel Mostyn: 'L', I omited to tell you, stands for 'Liquidator'. Your a 'special' Special Agent. Your job is to kill for us.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: You sucked me into this you horrifying old monster!
- Colonel Mostyn: Don't be ridiculous Boysie, you belong to this life. You couldn't do without it.
- Iris MacIntosh: The mysterious Mr. Oakes. Codename 'L'. The Colonel keeps your file in the 'secret' Secret Drawer.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: What a marvelous coincidence. Going my way?
- Iris MacIntosh: Which way?
- 'Boysie' Oakes: Eh, my place for coffee. Well, we have nothing to do.
- Iris MacIntosh: The invitation is just resistable tonight.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: But we may not have another night.
- Iris MacIntosh: That's up to you, isn't it, Boysie. Taxi!
- Colonel Mostyn: Were they together?
- Martin, codename Fly: No sir, they did not even seem to know each other.
- Colonel Mostyn: That bloody well proves it!
- Iris MacIntosh: [expecting Boysie on the other line of the phone] Darling, where are you?
- Colonel Mostyn: I'm in London, Mrs Oakes, and it's raining.
- Iris MacIntosh: Oh, Colonel!
- Colonel Mostyn: Yes, it's your old uncle Mostyn. How's 'hubbie'?
- Bodelaire Sheriek: Now, I am asking you the question again: why are you here?
- 'Boysie' Oakes: Because you brought me here, you screaming old nit!
- Bodelaire Sheriek: Yes, What do you want?
- Chekhov: Baudelaire, I'm Chekhov.
- Bodelaire Sheriek: Huh?
- Chekhov: If only we could sell the house and go back to Moscow.
- Bodelaire Sheriek: What are you talk... oh yes, yes of course, the password. Uhm, just a minute ehm... ah... life is just a bowl of cherry orchards? No?
- Chekhov: No.
- Bodelaire Sheriek: Oh! well, of course: but first we must cut down the orchards.
- Chekhov: Hmm.
- Corale White: Wait a minute something's wrong: he left the key in the door!
- 'Boysie' Oakes: Camel Face has goofed!
- Quadrant: Baudelaire, I leave you with this one thought in mind: you predecease a very important person.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: [piloting an airplane] Just get me out of here, I'm scared sick!
- Flying Instructor: We're all scared... from time to time.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: [piloting an airplane] I can see the ground.
- Flying Instructor: Take absolutely no notice of it.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: All very well for you!
- Colonel Mostyn: Fortunately, she wasn't pregnant. We don't want to leave any mementos behind, do we?
- Colonel Mostyn: it would mean leaving this delightful corner of the world and coming to London. No more necking every Thursday with the town clerk's wife.
- The Chief: The moment we smell any trouble, Mostyn - snap.
- Colonel Mostyn: Snap?
- The Chief: Snap. We liquidate them.
- Colonel Mostyn: We do what?
- The Chief: Liquidate them. Dispose of them. Give them the wooden overcoat, the deep six, the chop. Do you follow me?
- The Chief: We can afford a good salary to get the right chap. What's the price of loyalty these days? I'm out of touch.
- Colonel Mostyn: 6,000 a year or so with extras. Perhaps a bit of crumpet on the side.
- Colonel Mostyn: It's against all the principles of the Free World.
- The Chief: Who in the name of the four and twenty virgins is talking about principles, may I ask? Do we have principles in wartime? Mostyn, we've got to dam the floods, stem our security leaks. We've got to throw their intelligence cells out of gear, regain the trust of our allies. Ha ha! To say nothing of saving our own fat, greasy necks, thank you very much.
- The Chief: As far as the country is concerned, this is another unmitigated bloody disaster. Hell's teeth. I wouldn't mind if it was an isolated case, but it's always happening.
- Colonel Mostyn: And it always will, Chief, as long as we're bound by the rules.
- The Chief: You're adopting a very negative attitude, if I say so, Mostyn. They've got us by the short and curlies, lad!
- 'Boysie' Oakes: I'd much rather have a drink with you.
- Iris MacIntosh: That would be living dangerously.
- 'Boysie' Oakes: That might be worth it.
- Benedict's Assistant: You can turn over now, Boysie. You're done on this side. Have you got that nice, warm-all-over feeling?
- 'Boysie' Oakes: All I do here is learn how to kill people.
- Colonel Mostyn: Presumptuous of us, but think of it as a finishing course.