- Bernie Friedman: [at the custody hearing] Well, Judge, you can pass the buck up and down and back and forth, but when it gets to "Bernie the Butcher" it don't go no further.
- Judge: Is that what they call you? "Bernie the Butcher"? Why?
- Bernie Friedman: Thirty-seven years in the meat packing business. What're they gonna call me, "Bernie the Baker"?
- Steve McCluskey: [about Penny] Can you tell me one cotton-pickin' thing you can do for that kid that I can't?
- Chris Lockwood: Yeah! I can take her to the ladies' room!
- Steve McCluskey: [calls to the bathroom] What are you doing in there?
- Penny Piper: Taking a bath.
- Steve McCluskey: Well, why's it take so long?
- Penny Piper: Because I'm a girl!
- Steve McCluskey: Oh.
- [perfectly satisfied with her explanation]
- Steve McCluskey: Eh, I hope you're big enough to take your own bath?
- Penny Piper: Sure.
- Steve McCluskey: Mm-hmm. Well,
- [pointing]
- Steve McCluskey: the bathroom's that way.
- Steve McCluskey: [Penny runs out of the bathroom and across the living room. The actress holds a towel around her midsection, but the character is, as Steve later puts it, in her "birthday suit".] Uh, Gypsy! You forgot your feathers!
- Penny Piper: [as she runs back into the bathroom carrying them] No, my pajamas.
- Steve McCluskey: Oh, your pajamas.
- Steve McCluskey: [after he's denied custody of Penny] Is this because I'm a gambler?
- Judge: No, I don't have anything against you personally, legally, *or* morally.
- Blanchard's secretary: How'd the man at Tahoe know that Mr. McCluskey isn't there?
- Louie Blanchard: How does a bug know it's gonna rain?