- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: [Potter is talking to Mike in the saloon]
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Now about that cellar...
- Roy Barton: Excuse me.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: You're excused.
- Roy Barton: I'm talking to the lady.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Who do you think I'm talking to, a duck?
- Mike 'The Torch' Delroy: Let the man talk.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: We don't need him.
- Roy Barton: What are you going to pay for that wagon with?
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Ah, a preposition at the end of a sentence, and you split you infinitive. Pretty soon you'll be dangling a participle. Shame on you sir, the school marm will certainly hear about this.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: I was so young at the time, I don't remember many of the things Daddy said about me. If he poured out his heart in this will, I'd kinda like to read it. "The reason I leave all my money to my son Junior is that, being of sound mind I can't leave my money to my wife, 'cause I ain't never forgiven her since the day she presented me with an idiot for a son." Well, I was the only child. "But this idiot is all I got in the world, which shows you what a lousy spot I'm in."
- Ebenezer Hawkins: You're just like your old pa. He was the lyingest, crookedest, mangyest, rottenest, low down critter than never drew a silver breath.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Say, you really knew my daddy, didn't you? You, sir, have cast aspersions on my dear old daddy, the brave, low-down, mangy, crooked, drunken hero that won the West!
- Mike 'The Torch' Delroy: Put that gun away!
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Let that be the thought for today.
- Kirk: I ought to blow out his yellow liver.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Blow out my liver, you'd mess up the onions.
- Mike 'The Torch' Delroy: Put it away!
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Yeah, give me back my yellow liver, it matches my spine.
- Mike 'The Torch' Delroy: You know I don't believe in shooting.
- Kirk: Someday you'll be sorry you're so tenderhearted.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: As I always say, tender heart never won tender liver.
- [Kirk walks away]
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: I guess I was pretty stern with him.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Where I hail from, we don't cotton to folks what cotton to other folks gals that don't cotton to folks that cotton to them. That's cotton talk, see?
- Roy Barton: I apologize, mister.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Oh, you do? Well then beat the whole kit 'n' caboodle of you. That's caboodle talk.
- Peter 'Junior' Potter Jr.: Say, it's gonna be real fun honeymooning in Niagara Falls. My daddy spent a whole week there on his honeymoon, laughing, loving, drinking champagne. He had so much fun, he kinda wished Mother had been with him.