- Mrs. Barton: Oh, what do we do now? I've never been so confused in all my life.
- Lavinia Thorndyke: Oh, yes, you have, Mimi - at your own wedding. Ann, you should've seen her - oh, well, of course you couldn't."
- Ann Gordon: I beg your pardon.
- Train Conductor: We haven't got any.
- Ann Gordon: Haven't got any what?
- Train Conductor: Whatever you were going to ask for. We haven't got any drawing rooms. We haven't got any compartments. We haven't got any berths. We haven't got any seats. There isn't even any room in the washroom for you. Ain't even enough room for me to walk through the train.
- Ann Gordon: [Bob rings the door bell then passes out after she opens the door] But, darling, this is all wrong. You're supposed to carry me over the threshold.
- Lavinia Thorndyke: So, this is the home with the happy little bride?
- Jonas: Yeah, Vinnie, you know, there ain't anything in the world like a happy married life. It's the only thing. Marriage is a great institution.
- Lavinia Thorndyke: Yeah, but who wants to live in an institution"
- Horace P. 'Blubber' Malloy: It brings to mind the immortal words of that great poet, Edgar Allen Longfellow
- [sic]
- Horace P. 'Blubber' Malloy: - "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."
- Lt. Robert 'Bob' Gordon: And, remember this, fella -- when you get the idea that you're smart and everybody else is dumb. The dumb ones might turn out to be smarter than the smart ones who are really dumb. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to figure that one out.