- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: [speaking to his wife Linda] Well, now, just what's behind that dark innuendo?
- Clementine, Actress in Show: Aint nothing behind me, boss.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: [Crying] I don't want to lose him!
- [Gaylord]
- Philo Swift: Well, I don't want to lose Amanda either, but for a totally different reason. I don't want to have my tombstone cluttered up with the names of my formerly beloved wives. It would leave no room for the more important data.
- Philo Swift: 'Gaylord Esterbrook'... seems to me I've heard or read that name someplace. What do you do?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: I write plays.
- Philo Swift: Er, yes, I have a hobby, too. What I meant was, what do you do for a living?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Write plays. Anything wrong?
- Philo Swift: No, no; nothing, nothing. You'll pardon me, but it does seem a little trivial for a grown man.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Well, perhaps I'll grow out of it. What do *you* do?
- Philo Swift: I'm on Wall Street.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Where's that?
- Philo Swift: I don't know, but my chauffeur finds it every morning.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: After you get there, what do you do?
- Philo Swift: Buy and sell stocks and bonds.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Surely not for a living?
- Philo Swift: And not a bad one. When stocks go up, I make a little money. When they go down, I make even more.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: That all you do?
- Philo Swift: Well, yes!
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Well, who knows; maybe you'll grow out of it, too.
- [raises glass]
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Here's hoping!
- Clementine, Actress in Show: I thought you was in Hollywood.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: I'm, ah, out on parole.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: Clementine, are you sitting on my hat?
- Clementine, Actress in Show: [gets up to look] So I am. I completely covered it. Well, its a small hat.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: A sombrero would have met the same fate.
- Philo Swift: [about Linda making Mandy cry] You needn't feel so proud, I make her cry all the time. It usually ends up with me giving her a check.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: I didn't give her a check, I think I just gave her my husband.
- Philo Swift: In my office we'd list that transaction as petty cash.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: [after spending the night after the play on a park bench] Hey, you don't look bad for a girl who's just getting up in the morning!
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: For a man who's been up all night you look great!
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Don't get the idea that I'm an authority on girls getting up in the morning.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Well, I'm not the last word on men staying up all night either.
- Clementine, Actress in Show: [on phone looking for Mr. Esterbrook] Hello, Luxury Turkish Bath? Connect me to the department for taking care of gentlemen on the loose. Line's busy? I'll wait.
- [door bell rings and she goes to let in Mr. Swift]
- Clementine, Actress in Show: Has Mr. Easterbrook been there today? No? Well, if he should be carried in, ask him to call his apartment - if he can talk.
- Amanda Swift: Philo and I have been married for... how long is it now, dear?
- Philo Swift: They know at city hall.
- Philo Swift: When she said of your husband that he possesses latent possibilities as yet unrealized, I knew then his position was perilous. You see, my wife has a passion for developing latent powers. When they're not there, she invents them.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: [with an embarrassed laugh] I can't somehow - you'll forgive me...
- Philo Swift: What?
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: ...take your wife seriously as a rival. She's very pretty, very attractive, and I'm sure very gay.
- Philo Swift: She's not gay. She's serious.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: But she looks so, uh, forgive me, "fluffy".
- Philo Swift: She's a Lorelei with an intellectual patter.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Tell me, why do you always pick successes to inspire? Your husband was a rich, successful man when you married him. My husband is an established playwright, temporarily in the dumps. Why don't you stimulate someone obscure to greatness? Wouldn't that be more exciting?
- Amanda Swift: The artist who has arrived and begins to doubt his talent - there's no more poignant tragedy than that.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: Poor Gay, he was so sure he had a hit. He has a curtain speech all prepared. I never thought I'd see the day when I felt sorry for a playwright.
- Philo Swift: Two acts are enough for me. I don't see why we should stick around for a third.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: Well, the third might be a little better, I don't know. At least it's understandable. It's a plea for the human race against dictatorship.
- Philo Swift: Well, that doesn't interest me either. I'm afraid Esterbrook sees the world not as it is, but as he would like it to be actually. Gay's indignation is sentimental, romantic, infantile.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: [announcement for Third act is heard] Well, no time to argue now. I directed this play and I've got to sit through it. And the punishment fits the crime.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Gosh, I haven't kissed you for two months.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: That's nothing to brag about, you big, long drink of water.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: Well, no time to argue now. I directed this play and I've got to sit through it. And the punishment fits the crime.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Did you send a telegram to Gay wishing him luck?
- Philo Swift: Yes, I sent him a telegram, but I forget what I wished him.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: [During intermission of Gaylord's dramatic play] Pretty awful, isn't it?
- Philo Swift: Well, it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't laugh so much. It keeps waking me up.
- Philo Swift: I've been married before. I shouldn't like to be divorced a second time. It gets to be undignified.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Uh, tell me, do you do anything else besides write plays?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Well, I'm editor of the Redfield Daily Reporter.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Ohhh? A town of 700 people has a Daily Reporter?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: It's 786... Well, it's - we call it the Daily Reporter. It comes out twice a month.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Uh, huh. Isn't that confusing for your readers?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: I don't know. I never thought of it. I guess it is.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Well, of course, if you married me, you'd have to give up your room at the "Y". Maybe you don't love me enough to make that sacrifice. Maybe you don't even love me at all.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: Oh, uh, we'd be glad to buy a ticket for the Policeman's ball.
- Police Sergeant: Get outta here. We don't want you at our affair.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: I'd better get dressed for dinner. I'm going out with Mr. Carrell.
- Clementine, Actress in Show: Well, heh, heh, it's a democracy and everybody's entitled to their own taste.
- Richard Benson: You know, he's an eccentric young man, even for a playwright.
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: I can't argue with you there.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: I suppose you think Amanda's a complete idiot?
- Linda Paige Esterbrook: I think she's a very clever idiot. But an idiot, just the same.
- Clementine, Actress in Show: Why, boss, how come you opened the door by yourself?
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: I've been practicing, Tulip.
- Clementine, Actress in Show: He's stone sober, Miss Linda.
- Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook: Now, I'll allow it this time, Cat. I won't let it happen again.
- Clementine, Actress in Show: I saw your last picture, Mr. Carrell.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: Yes?
- Clementine, Actress in Show: Oh, yeah.
- Morgan Carrell, the Director: What'd ya think?
- Clementine, Actress in Show: [sighs] yeah.