RANKED: all 2023 Movies and tv shows i've watched
A ranking and review of all the movies and tv shows i've watched from the year 2023
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- DirectorRhys Frake-WaterfieldStarsNikolai LeonMaria TaylorNatasha Rose MillsAfter Christopher Robin abandons them for college, Pooh and Piglet embark on a bloody rampage as they search for a new source of food.Worst movie of the year by far, it takes itself way too serious and is extremely low budget.
The plot and characters are paperthin. It's just bad, nothing more. - DirectorMatthew CastellanosStarsSoni BringasStephen RuffinHelene UdyA young couple conjures a dark presence that hungers for their unborn baby as they prepare to burn up the dance floor at L.A.'s hottest disco.it's insanely short and nothing really happens, i guess the setting would have been nice if something had actually happened in it
- DirectorTyler-JamesStarsDerek MillerAmanda Jane YorkChloe KarrA tornado, infested with prehistoric monsters, has formed in the Bermuda Triangle, and is making its way towards land. Now the city must fight to survive against these deadly creatures.i'm not sure what i expected from a movie called Monsternado but this movie has clichés all over the place and the worst "trained" fbi agents ever. Everything is very predictable and the cgi...yeah
- DirectorRubin SteinStarsMilena SmitJaime LorenteCarlos González MorollónAfter a tragic miscarriage, Lola and her husband Adolfo adopt Tin and Tina, a lovely brother and sister with an ultra-catholic education that makes them interpret Holy Bible verbatim.Boring and forgettable slog with very annoying kids, the twist that "they weren't actually evil" sucked ass.
- DirectorTimothy Woodward Jr.StarsCam GigandetNatalie BurnJason PatricAfter bailing on her wedding, a former bride-to-be must fight off her ex-groom and seven angry killer groomsmen in order to survive the night.some halfway decent fights but this had zero laughs and lame kills. It's missing the fun from Ready or not
- DirectorEvan BakerStarsNell KesslerErik BloomquistForest QuagliaSeven college students are forced to compete in children's games for survival. With their futures unclear, the secrets of their pasts are revealed.From a no budget ripoff movie called Quid Games (very subtle there guys), i guess it was just a little better than i expected.
The twist was funny, these kids sucked so hard their teachers just figured that murder was the best option - DirectorPatrick WilsonStarsTy SimpkinsPatrick WilsonRose ByrneThe Lamberts must go deeper into The Further than ever before to put their demons to rest once and for all.Most dissapointing movie of the year by far, it's forgettable, boring and bland and never gets scary.
- DirectorMarcus AdamsStarsMãdãlina GheneaEd WestwickMacarena GómezStorm-stricken drug traffickers force a yachtswoman to recover their sunken cocaine stash from shark-infested waters.Slightly above average shark movie which actually had some kind of budget for once. Still tho, the villians were painfully simple and the shark(s) don't do much. Ending sucked too
- DirectorEmma TammiStarsJosh HutchersonPiper RubioElizabeth LailA troubled security guard begins working at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. During his first night on the job, he realizes that the night shift won't be so easy to get through. Pretty soon he will unveil what actually happened at Freddy's.PG-13 baby horror which has a guy sleeping for most of it, how exciting. Also if you think about this one for more then a minute you start seeing loads of plotholes.
So the killer realises that this guy is the brother of a child he killed and he just...gives him the job? Also why doesn't he get one of the animatronics to just murder him when he sleeps, It's a movie for the fnaf fans and i am not one of them.
The scene where they make a pillow castle is paintfully cringe.
However, i do love the setting and the practical effects. - DirectorLindsey Anderson BeerStarsJackson WhiteNatalie Alyn LindForrest GoodluckIn 1969 a young Jud Crandall and his childhood friends band together to confront an ancient evil that has gripped their hometown of Ludlow.It's fine i guess? The third act was terrible and there was barely any gore but it had it's moments.
- StarsBill MillsapDorah FineMike McFarlandFrom the mind of horror manga maestro Junji Ito comes a spine-tingling selection of some of his most bizarre, disturbing and terrifying tales.Junji Ito's work is hard to adapt and this was just a frame by frame recreation of the mangas with animation that isnt amazing.
I guess its nice that they adapted some mangas that haven't been published in English. - DirectorDavid Gordon GreenStarsLafortune JosephLeslie Odom Jr.Gastner LegermeWhen two girls disappear into the woods and return three days later with no memory of what happened to them, the father of one girl seeks out Chris MacNeil, who's been forever altered by what happened to her daughter fifty years ago.I liked this one a lot more then i thought i would, it plays it quite basic and safe and it has issues (the line about the patriarchy is the worst line of the year) (i think we met before, no you haven't because that's not even Pazuzu) Still tho, the first hour was quite slow but interesting because it focusses on the characters and the finale was nice overall ( The "i choose you" part) The ending with Regan was nice.
- DirectorBen WheatleyStarsJason StathamJing WuShuya Sophia CaiA research team encounters multiple threats while exploring the depths of the ocean, including a malevolent mining operation.Dumb action movie with a lot of "how did that characters manage to survive that" moments. The underwater part was pretty damn pointless in the end but it was quite fun at times.
- DirectorAdrian GrunbergStarsOmar ChaparroBolivar SanchezCarlos SolórzanoStranded on a crumbling rig in Baja, a family faces off against a vengeful megalodon shark.Another movie that ranked a lot higher then i thought it would. The message is not subtle at all but the shark looked good and the setting was nice.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsJoaquin PhoenixVanessa KirbyTahar RahimAn epic that details the chequered rise and fall of French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte and his relentless journey to power through the prism of his addictive, volatile relationship with his wife, Josephine.Visually cool but terrible historical accuracy and horrible pacing, just watch waterloo
- DirectorPablo LarraínStarsJaime VadellGloria MünchmeyerAlfredo CastroAfter living 250 years in this world, Augusto Pinochet, who is not dead but an aged vampire, decides to die once and for all.It looks really nice and it's very creative overall (like the part where she flies for the first time) but i just couldn't care about what was happening with the sons and the ending felt really rushed.
- DirectorBeth HannaJerren LauderStarsMcKaley MillerKeyara MillinerJayson Warner SmithFollows Eden, who goes to a coveted 'Heaven and Hell' party, hoping to get a letter of recommendation to an elite university from the wealthy parents of her classmate, but the party quickly turns into a fight for her life.It's dumb that these kids didn't delete the video about them murdering someone and the "parents are involved in it" was stupid, them somehow waking up after being drugged when they're about to die is a massive plot hole. The acting was nice and i'm a sucker for bottle horror
- DirectorCarlos Alonso OjeaStarsVeki VelillaÁlvaro MelPriscilla DelgadoEight horror-loving friends fight for their lives when a killer clown who seems to know the grim secret they share begins to pick them off, one by one.These "horror movie experts" were absolutely braindead but it felt like an old slasher at times and has some nice scenes of tension
- DirectorMichael ChavesStarsTaissa FarmigaJonas BloquetStorm Reid1956 - France. A priest is murdered. An evil is spreading. The sequel to the worldwide smash hit follows Sister Irene as she once again comes face-to-face with Valak, the demon nun.Way better then the first nun movie, it had some good scares and the setting was nice. However the ending was dumb and it plays it very safe, the other nun doesn't have much to do and the nun's powers are inconsistent.
- DirectorTyler MacIntyreStarsJane WiddopJoel McHaleJustin LongAfter saving her town from a psychotic killer, Winnie Carruthers' life is less than wonderful. When she wishes she'd never been born, she finds herself in a nightmare parallel universe where without her, things could be much, much worse.A fine enough rendition on the classic story with some nice kills and characters here and there but it still felt lacking. The part where they walk over the killer's unconcious body and don't bother killing him, the hynosis/brainwashed and the fact that you know who the killer is suck too.
- DirectorDavid PastorÀlex PastorStarsMario CasasGeorgina CampbellDiego CalvaAfter an entity of mysterious origin annihilates the world's population causing those who observe it to take their lives, Sebastián and his daughter begin their own great adventure of survival in Barcelona.Having your villian as the main character is risky and i don't love it but i like the idea of it and the setting of a deserted city looks great
- DirectorGregg SimonStarsScout Taylor-ComptonCody FrankTasie LawrenceA group of stoners break into a house for a weekend party, but realize all is not well after finding a mysterious stranger held captive in the basement.Suprisingly good B-movie, them not calling the cops when they find a dude locked up is weird though
- DirectorDavid BrucknerScott DerricksonNatasha KermaniStarsKelli GarnerFreddy RodríguezJames RansoneUnveiled through a made-for-TV documentary, five tales of found footage horror emerge to take viewers on a terrifying journey into the grim underbelly of the 1980s.Mixed bag overall but still worth a watch
- DirectorBrandon SlagleStarsCasper Van DienNicky WhelanLouis MandylorA daring jail break during a dangerous Louisiana hurricane is interrupted by a horde of large hungry alligators.I have no idea why i ranked this one so high but i actually liked it! It's not amazing but it had it's moments
- DirectorRob SavageStarsSophie ThatcherChris MessinaVivien Lyra BlairStill reeling from the tragic death of their mother, a teenage girl and her younger sister find themselves plagued by a sadistic presence in their house and struggle to get their grieving father to pay attention before it's too late.It's alright, the characters are pretty stupid though. You know the creature doesn't like light and you just play playstation in the dark, smart.